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Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore

Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

Ashton Kutcher has a few words—well, 773 words, to be exact—for his critics.

Even though Kutcher has become the unofficial poster celebrity for Twitter, he decided to take to MySpace for his "brief retort to the critics"—after all, tweets are limited to a mere 140 characters each, and he has plenty to say.

Kutcher addresses many of the recent attacks against him, ranging from his use of Twitter to his support for embattled Olympian Michael Phelps.

Among the highlights:

  • Kutcher admits it was probably wrong to air his complaints via the Web about his neighbor’s early-morning construction work, but argues he should be allowed to sleep in peace and quiet. "Yes I live a very fortunate life and for that I am very greatful [sic]," he writes. "I do however work for a living. I have a family that I support and a company that I run daily. And I cherish the 4 to 6 hours that I sleep a day."
  • He says he was just being neighborly when he threw bottles of Vitaminwater last week to his neighbor’s construction workers. "I asked them if they wanted something to drink and they said yes," he writes. "I thought that it would be a nice gesture."
  • Just because he’s argued that Michael Phelps deserves some slack for his now infamous bong photo doesn’t mean he condones pot smoking. "I don't smoke marijuana and any statement to the contrary is a lie," Kutcher writes, adding, "[Phelps] is a role model and a great one at that. But I'm sure that in his lapse of judgment he wasn't thinking, 'boy I hope the whole world can see this so that kids everywhere can copy me.' "
  • As for his new love of twittering, he insists he and wife Demi Moore hope it helps them better connect with their fans. "We have dedicated ourselves to building a coalition to abolish 21st century slavery and are smart enough to know that we can't do it alone," he explained. "But truth be told we are having fun connecting with people and if we are to be defamed for doing so, so be it."

Slavery? Huh? Oh, just just click over to—where else?his Twitter profile to find out what in the world he's talking about.

(P.S.: I, too, have joined the Twitter nation. Check me out at http://twitter.com/marcmalkin.)