You'd be wise to completely disregard everything Lemony Snicket has to say.
After all, if you took everything the author of A Series of Unfortunate Events (played by Patrick Warburton) says to heart in this first teaser for Netflix's new series based on his works, you might be convinced to avoid the series altogether.
"The story of the Baudelaire orphans is so upsetting and so utterly unnerving," Snicket warns from a darkened soundstage, "the entire crew is suffering from low moral—a phrase which here means 'currently under observation for mencholia, ennui, and acute wistfulness.'"
Of course, not everyone's as effected as Snicket advertises. "Joy, joy, happiness! My fortune's about to change," Neil Patrick Harris' Count Olaf can be heard bellowing in the distance before letting out a menacing laugh.
"So please, don't make the same mistake Netflix has and look away before this dire tale is even filmed and avoid the cruel whimsy and whimsical cruelty of what's to come," Snicket begs before the premiere date for the new series is announced. The new series, should you go against Snicket's advice, will be available for streaming on Jan. 13, 2017.
Based on the internationally best-selling books by Snicket (aka Daniel Handler), Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events tells the tragic tale of Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire whose evil guardian Count Olaf will stop at nothing to get his hands on their inheritance. They must outsmart Olaf at every turn, foiling his many devious plans and disguises, in order to discover clues to their parents' mysterious death.
The eight-episode series, executive produced by Barry Sonnenfeld and Handler, also stars Joan Cusack (Justice Strauss), Malina Weissman (Violet) and Louis Hynes (Klaus).