Kim Kardashian. We always knew she was an omniscient presence in our lives—watching over us like the true deity that she is, guiding us through everything from selecting the most exclusive tu-tu's for our imaginary daughters to the appropriate uses for a smoky eye. (Although that last one is a trick, since there's never an inappropriate use for a smoky eye).
But what we didn't know is that she is so omnipotent that she has managed to boil down each and every minute facet of our lives into one single emoji keyboard.
That's right: Kimojis.
The app arrived this morning to solve the age-old question: What would a cartoon Kim Kardashian look like in cornrows? And also, how do we tell our friends that we're too busy waist-training to answer their phone calls with just the click of a button?
You probably never pictured Kim Kardashian as the solver of all of humanity's burning problems, but here we are. It seems Mrs. West has decided to #bless us all with these bountiful emoji gifts, and we, for one, are not going to take them for granted. No, sir, we're going to appreciate them for all of their poetic glory. How they will enhance our texting so! The Bentley! The red solo cup! The peach covered in cream!
As you'll see, there truly is a Kimoji for every moment in your life—and it's probably a moment you have been unable to put into words. Until now, because thanks to Kim Kardashian, we'll never have to use words again.
The Ugly Cry Face: When A) You're really bad about the state of the world right now or B) You lost your diamond earring.
The Middle Finger: When Barneys' valet tells you they don't have room for your Bentley and you have to—gasp!—self-park.
The Graduation Cap: When you graduate from...online closet organizing school.
Jesus: Whenever you talk about Kanye West. Duh.
The Apple Bottom: When you're cooking your Christmas turkey and want to know how much to baste.
The Sports Bra: When you want to tell someone you're breastfeeding but you can't find the milk bottle emoji.
Shade: When your friend implies that your extensions aren't actually Kylie Kouture, but a (gasp!) knockoff.
The Peaches & Cream: Never. Literally never use this.
The Kim-In-Cornrows: When your friend says you made the worst decision ever dying your hair blonde and you need a good counter argument.
The Yeezy Boost: When someone asks for your Christmas list. Because let's face it, we all legit want these.
The Engagement Ring: When your boyfriend asks for your Christmas list.
The Stripper Pole: When your baby cousin wants advice about what major to choose.
The Panty-Dropper: Full disclosure—we have no idea why you would use this. Just make sure not to accidentally text it to your parents.
The Black Card: Whenever your mom gets naggy about your shopping habit. Haters: Shut down.
For more Kimojis, tune into an all new Keeping Up With the Kardashians on Sunday, January 3 at 9 p.m. only on E!