Imagine your life as one of Gwyneth Paltrow's fortunate children. You're in your bedroom blending snow cones in your $300 portable shaved ice maker and rocking out with your DIY electric guitar. In between jam sessions you hear the gentle ping of mom's triangle dinner bell, alerting you to come down for your farm-fresh, vegan fare. Majestic AF, right? This can be your life if you want it to be —and if you have several stacks of disposable dollars. Thanks to Gwyneth's Goop holiday gift guide, you too can call your children like cattle to the table with $60 dinner bells, just like mama G.
Maybe you're a bad bitch who works in an office full of basics, and you were forced into an insufferable secret Santa exchange. Don't trip, chocolate chip, Oprah's "Favorite Things" is the holiday gift guide for you. Nothing says, "We sit next to each other at work, but I've never said more than three words to you" like an "I love Sunday's" shirt. You know, to remind them that Sunday is one of days of the week where you don't have to silently suffer through each others violently clashing perfume choices. Or maybe you could give them an item recommended by Goop, specifically for secret Santa's —the Salvaged Cedar Fire Starter Kit. Maybe they'll use it to set the gift on fire after they realize it's literally the most obscure and questionable thing you could get a coworker ever.
Are you or someone you know a raging narcissist? There are gifts for y'all too. How many times per day does your phone run out of memory space because you have undeleted #belfies dating back to the Furby era? Would you spend over $300 on makeup brushes for a flawless face? Kim Kardashian's holiday gift guide is calling your name. Do you think a Fuji Film selfie printer could help you live your best life? Oprah's gift guide thinks so too.
Whether you're on the hunt for a challah menorah that looks like a penis, or a $90,000 trip to space, Kim, Gwyneth and O have gift guides that can take you there. Don't believe us? We created a handy infographic to help you decide which gift guide is best for your present buying needs. From $4.25 to $125,000 there's something here for everyone you hate, know and love.
AKM-GSI ,Jonathan Leibson/Getty Images, Graham Denholm/WireImage
*Goop gift guide total cost does not include name-your-own-price Sephora gift card or Memento Mori decorative skull, as price was unavailable. Price of Venus espresso maker was determined by comparing it to similar item from the same brand. Total cost of Oprah's "Favorite Things" was calculated using the lowest priced items when items were mentioned with varying price ranges.
Which gift list suits you the best? Tell us in the comments!
Here's our gift guide for the awesome kiddo in your life!