With friends like these, Yolanda Hadid certainly doesn't need any enemies.
The new season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills kicked off tonight with the (sadly, soon-to-be divorced) Yolanda still in the throes of debilitating illness thanks to lyme disease diagnosis three years ago and to see her in such a diminished capacity was, well, shocking. She revealed that she hadn't driven a car in three years. She barely leaves her house. She can hardly sit through twenty minutes of Lisa Rinna's birthday dinner. She admits, "Trust me, if it wasn't for my kids, I would've jumped off the balcony already."
Even more shocking? The way co-stars Lisa Vanderpump and Ken Todd spoke about her.
Lisa, who admits early in the episode that she's not criticizing Yolanda, but is questioning what's going on with her (as if it's any of her freaking business), and Todd really let loose with some ugly thoughts in both their confessionals and in the company of others when their supposed friend dares to show up to an event without any make-up on because, you know, she's incredibly sick and has more important things to worry about than eyeliner.
First, Lisa in a confessional: "I'm actually surprised to see Yolanda. She does not look good at all. She's got nothing on her face at all. Not even a little bit of under eye cover-up or anything. Maybe you could just take ten seconds to do that."
Again, Lisa in a confessional, as Yolanda rushes to a restroom: "If I was going to a birthday party and I felt that bad, I probably wouldn't be there, you know? Yolanda doesn't look well, she admits to not being well and what the hell is it? What the hell is going on in her life?"
Ken, out loud, to other humans who somehow don't stab him with their forks: "I told her she looked better. She didn't. I promise you she did not look better. She looked terrible."
And finally, Ken, in a confessional: "It's always nice to be told by a man that you're looking good. I'm sure that if Yolanda looked like she did, there's not many people telling her that she looks good." (Why, it's a wonder the compliment from this man didn't cure Yolanda's lyme disease wholesale!)
From the looks of things, this season will be dominated by Yolanda's health woes and her co-stars growing doubts over its validity. (What is this? Brooks Ayers 2.0?) So, prepare yourselves accordingly.
What else happened in the hour? Rinna sat for an interview with Oprah's Where Are They Now and threw herself a birthday party, Vanderpump threw out the first pitch at the Dodgers LGBT Night (because why not?), Eileen Davidson began redecorating her house (Zzzzzz), and Kyle Richards sold a TV show about her life that her older sisters aren't too excited about.
Long story short: We're hoping next week has a little more action.
Our Favorite One-Liners:
- "I've been so blessed but I have this underlying fear that on my tombstone it will say: She wore diapers." - Rinna
- "I love the fact that the Dodgers are supporting the LGBT community because who'd have thought years ago that I'd be there throwing the first pitch at this moment in time, especially for an English that knows diddly-squat about baseball." - Vanderpump, completely missing the point of LGBT Night
- "I know too many women that have married men with money that feel terrible because they've never done anything. I mean, they have every bag known to man, they have everything, but does it really feel good? Probably. It probably feels great, actually." - Rinna
- "I'm not going to be the lady with the cats and all the antiques piling up in the corner where she can't get out in a fire." - Eileen
- "I would give my soul to have that ass again." - Rinna (Seriously, this woman is the one-liner MVP.)
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on Bravo.
(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)