Justin Bieber, thank you for giving us our lives back.
For the last 30 days the singer has virtually held us hostage with his celebrity countdown. Each day for what feels like a true eternity, he has unleashed on the innocent public a veritable barrage of Instagram pictures reminding us that 1) his single is coming and 2) he has approximately one million famous friends (are you listening, Taylor Swift?).
Each picture has been basically the same: Famous Person X takes a selfie with a sign that says "Justin Bieber What Do You Mean" along with their corresponding day countdown. Now of course, some of them were actually pretty cute. And it was cool that Bieber convinced, like, Alec Baldwinto participate. We were even willing to let the fact that Biebs called Shaq his "big bro," because the image of O'Neill cheesing for the camera was so hilarious.
But enough is enough Justin! We get that your countdown did a great job of hyping the single, but why so many posts? We couldn't even open Instagram without being visually assaulted by that goddamn clock picture. And yes, we could have unfollowed, but that's such a weighty gesture and we weren't ready to make the commitment. The real solution was for Justin to cool it down.
But no matter, because now the assault is over. Now we have our sanity back. Now we have our freedom back—our freedom to scroll through Insta and see pictures we actually want to see, like Kendall Jenner in another crop top or that one blogger fake-eating another donut.
And we also have time; loads of it. So what's a gal to do now that she isn't spending hours a day trudging through #WhatDoYouMean? Why, any of these activities, of course
1. Re-watch True Detective and see if you can finally figure out what the heck is going on.
2. Try every mason jar recipe on Pinterest.
4. Solve world peace.
5. Plan a vacation.
6. Rediscover all the bountiful Farmer's Market berry pictures on Instagram.
7. Mentally prepare yourself for Pumpkin Spice Latte season.
8. Write your own Top 40 song.
9. Read something. Anything.
10. Memorize all the moves to that "Beauty and a Beat" dance.
11. Memorize all the lyrics to "What Do You Mean."
12. Watch the video for "Baby" and reminisce about old Bieber.
13. Make your dog an Instagram account.
14. Host a lemonade stand.
15. Invent a new chocolate chip cookie recipe.
16. Listen to Carly Rae Jepsen's new album. It's good!
17. Become a milliner and create your own version of Justin's pilgrim hat.
18. Become a cobbler and make your own version of Yeezy Boosts.
19. Respond to every Internet troll you can find.
20. Conduct your usual routine of spending a solid hour before bed stalking all of your friends' Instagrams and feeling bad about yourself.