Just when you think the Internet had pulled every last bit of juicy gossip from the Ashley Madison data dump…
Bless this great nation for its tenacity to mine information that could expose awful people.
Today, however, the news coming out of the Ashley Madison leak is more worthy of a pat on the back than a slap on the wrist. (Unless you're into that sort of thing…can someone on the Internet look into the BDSM statistic for Ashley Madison users?)
According to an investigation done by Gawker, there were only three zip codes in the entire country that didn't have any Ashley Madison accounts. Zero. That could mean they are the most faithful areas in America, or it could just mean no one was stupid enough to have an affair that can be electronically traced back to them. They might just be adulterers in the old fashioned way, basically.
Here are the 3 most faithful zip codes in the U.S., according to the Ashley Madison hack. Spoiler alert: Alaska residents like to keep it in their marital pants (at least digitally):
Nikolai, Alaska (99691)
Bill Roth/Anchorage Daily News/MCT via Getty Images
"We've had a few people move into town that are not basically from here, that married into the community, so they moved in, they started families of their own," resident Nancy Vanderpool tells Gawker. "The married couples are the ones that have been around forever, so you know. There's quite a few couples, there's a lot of single guys but then there's a lot of couples too, though. More males than anything."
Perryville, Alaska (99648)
"It could be the lack of knowledge," Dana Phillips of the Perryville Village Council says about the lack of Ashley Madison accounts. "Or also that most people out here don't have an internet connection. There's maybe roughly 10 households that have internet."
Polvadera, New Mexico (87828)
"It's a nice, quiet town. There's not even a grocery store or anything there," a courthouse employee named Betty told Gawker. "You have to go to Mesilla Park which is a few miles out, there's a gas station and a convenience store and that's about it, til you get to Soccoro. There's no library or anything there, no schools."
Way to go, monogamous zip codes! As for the rest of you 37 million who had accounts on Ashley Madison: