That's right, we're going there.
Today we learned that not only is Disney developing a live-action movie based on the Jungle Cruise ride, but it's going to star none other than Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. And really, that's pretty perfect casting. The flick doesn't have a script or a director or most likely even an actual plot yet, but who cares? The idea of The Rock adapting a theme park ride into a feature film is box office gold. They're going to have hire a tow truck for him to carry his earnings to the bank.
Which got our little brains a-thinkin'. If the Jungle Cruise can be a movie, why stop there? Why not make live-action flicks out of all the rides? Let's get crazy, America.
So we did just that: We thought of movies for some of the best Disney rides. But there's a little catch—I don't really actually know what any of these rides are (besides Splash Mountain of course. I'm not a dummy.), so I used a little thing we here at E! like to call improvisation.
Splash Mountain: The world is ending, the polar ice caps have all simultaneously melted and the only place to seek shelter from the impending worldwide tidal wave is at the top of the planet's highest peak. Luckily Nicolas Cage/Dennis Quaid/Tom Cruise/Brad Pitt has discovered this secret ahead of the government because he accidentally pressed the wrong button on his vintage collectible computer and is trying to pilot a plane to the mountain. But will he be able to land at the summit?!
Big Thunder Mountain Railroad: A 3.5-hour long epic about the California Gold Rush, starring Leonardo DiCaprio and shot in a single take by Alejandro González Iñárritu's camera guy. There is actually only one scene, and it involves watching two men prepare to duel at a dusty, not-yet-finished railroad junction during a windstorm. Draw!
Soarin' Over California: A feel-good Pixar movie about a flock of seagulls' migration from San Francisco to the warmer air over Southern Cal. Eddie Murphy voices the sassy head seagull.
Mr. Toad's Wild Ride: Directed by Tim Burton, starring Johnny Depp, about what is basically an acid trip gone wrong in which the viewer is convinced they are a toad stuck in a mushroom garden and trying to get back to its lily pad
Disney Enterprises, Inc.
Matterhorn Bobsleds: The ol' gang from Jamaica decides to get the band back together again and take their talents to Switzerland. Laugh along as they discover all sorts of hilarious, non-Caribbean things like faux fur coats and charcuterie plates at après-ski!
Country Bear Jamboree: A bunch of animated bears wear plaid shirts and cutoff jorts and get drunk off of backseat hooch. But it's, like, totally a kid's movie!
Rock 'n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith: Ummm, an Aerosmith concert movie directed by the same guy who did Never Say Never.
Expedition Everest: Duh, this is obviously about an Everest climb. But there's a twist! This time it's not an Everest climb gone wrong. They actually all make it to the summit and back to basecamp in one piece, and the sherpas rejoice.
It's a Small World: A mid-twenties stoner played by Dave Franco dumps his fiancée to pursue his dream of moving to New York to become an investment banker, only to discover on the first day on the job that his new boss is his ex-fiancée's steely and career-obsessed aunt with a major chip on her shoulder. OMG, what are the chances?
California Screamin': A horror movie about plastic surgeries gone wrong. Like Human Centipede, but with aspiring actresses and models.
The Great Movie Ride: Seth Rogen has officially run out of things to name his movies about grown men wishing they were 22.