Editor's Note: Please drink responsibly and don't die on us. We need you. We love you. You complete us. You had us at hello. You jump, we jump. OK? OK.
Tonight, the cast of the TV show The Muppets will appear onstage to scream at each other. Some people are calling it the Republican primary presidential debate, starring Donald Trump, Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul and unfortunately, many more presidential candidates.
Now if you're interested in watching the debate but you know it'll make you sad in your heart, we have just the thing for you: A GOP Debate Drinking Game!
The rules below are simple; so simple that if you are sober at the end of this then you either did it wrong or you accidentally watched a Lifetime movie. Either way, the spray tans and terrible dialogue will be there.
Take a drink when:
•Donald Trump says something racist
•You curse the sky that Jon Stewart won't be able to properly skewer this debate
•You hear any of these terms: "socialism," "confederate flag," "second amendment," "religious freedom," "traditional values," "Obamacare" or "Planned Parenthood"
•Ted Cruz starts a sentence with, "In the Great state of Texas we…"
•Trump uses his campaign slogan: "Make America great again"
•Trump can't really explain how he'll make American great again
•Someone defends themselves with a phrase like: "I have gay/black/Hispanic friends…"
•There's a climate change denial
•Cecil the Lion is brought up, but not to talk about how horrible his murder was
•Somehow forgets how facts work
•A candidate tries to talk about social media but gets confused, i.e.: "I read a tweet on Instagram last night…"
•Ted Cruz mentions his father
•Jeb Bush mentions his brother
•Trump starts talking over anyone
Take a shot when:
•You hear the phrase "I'm not a scientist…"
•Someone says something that would effectively send women's rights back 100 years
•A candidate says something so ridiculous that Jon Stewart will probably come rip-roaring out of retirement
•Anyone starts getting sentimental about Ronald Reagan
•Someone states that marriage should be "between a man and a woman"
•That same person can't give a good reason for that definition besides "the bible says so"
•Trump mentions how rich he is
•Trump mentions how smart he is
•Anytime Ben Carson or Mike Huckabee mention the SCOTUS decision on marriage equality ruining the country
Finish your drink when:
•Someone's comments make you want to move to a different country
•You actually start packing to move to a different country
We know lots of other websites have their own GOP debate drinking games, so it's probably best to not do all of them tonight or you will literally have the rim of a glass to your lip the entire evening and you will end up in the ER. But before you decide which drinking game to pick, did we mention that our drinking game has CUTE ANIMAL GIFS?!
Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden/YouTube
San Diego Zoo Safari Park/YouTube
Kruger National Park/YouTube
Good luck, candidates! And good luck, drinking enthusiasts. May god have mercy on your soul.