Hey, Anthony Bourdain, tell us how you really feel…
The famous chef has never been shy about sharing his thoughts on fellow foodies in the press, but his latest interview with Atlanta Magazine is a candid masterpiece.
When asked how becoming a dad changed him, he replied, "The minute that you become a father, certain truths become immediately obvious to you. The first second you see your daughter's head corkscrew out of the womb and open her eyes, they are pretty much saying, 'Lose the Ramones shirt.' So I've made some adjustments in my life."
He added, "I sort of feel in a heartfelt way for Guy [Fieri]. I wonder about him. He's 52 years old and still rolling around in the flame outfit…What does he do? How does Guy Fieri de-douche?"
Fair questions, Mr. Bourdain, and the ball's officially in your court, Mr. Fieri.
His roast didn't end there, fortunately. He slammed Adam Richman—and his Man vs. Food program—and said, "Why did we watch that show? Admit it. You wanted him to die."
Bourdain also pointed out that Richman's show was incredibly popular in countries like Iran, Libya, Afghanistan and Yemen.
"The show confirms their worst suspicions—that Americans are fat, lazy, slothful, [and] wasteful," he shared before imagining a viewer watch Richman eat more food than perhaps they've ever seen.
"I know what [the viewer] is thinking, 'America is a terrible place. I want to join ISIS.'"
But, in a bit of a twist, Bourdain had lovely things to say about Ina Garten—well, at least her cooking expertise.
"I love Ina Garten. She's one of the few people on the Food Network who can actually cook," he dished (no pub intended!).
"When Ina Garten roasts a chicken, she roasts it correct. When Ina Garten makes mashed potatoes, those are some solid mashed potatoes. In my ways I want Ina's life."
But that's where his high praise ended…
"I don't want to live in her house. I don't want to spend a weekend there. It gets weird in Ina Land…Oh, when Jeffrey gets home, he'll be so happy I made meatloaf. And then he comes home and you're pretty sure he's not into meatloaf."
At least it would be a solid meatloaf, right?