AP Photo/Derick E. Hingle
AP Photo/Derick E. Hingle
Last night the Miss USA pageant aired. But you probably forgot because you were busy watching True Detective or memorizing the state capitols or discovering the lost art of friendship bracelets. Really anything that wasn't the Miss USA pageant, because it really did not matter at all.
Even Donald Trump, who caused all the controversy in the first place and is the reason that all the show's hosts (and even its original network) abandoned the competition, didn't bother to show up. Apparently the "politician" was "campaigning" or something. Ain't that a surprise!
I will not be able to attend the Miss USA pageant tomorrow night because I am campaigning in Phoenix. Wishing all well!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 12, 2015
What did happen during the evening, for those of you waiting on pins and needles, is that a bunch of women strutted their stuff onstage and then Olivia Jordan of Oklahoma was crowned the winner. You may recognize her from her critically acclaimed part as a bridesmaid in Hot Tub Time Machine 2. Jordan was rewarded with the top prize for her hard work modeling a hot pink ball gown and answering "Harriet Tubman" as her choice for the new female $10 bill.
She wasn't the only one who impressed the fans fan, though! Miss Nevada was asked how she would fix race relations and answered with the following: "What I would do to improve race relations in the US is get more races grouped together and be able to be with each other in a...in a non...I think what we need to do is bring...(nervous laughter) we need to be more accepting of each other and we need to bring people together, that's what I think we need to do." Move over, Martin Luther King!
What did not happen during the show was...literally everything else. Seriously, nothing happened. There were no famous people to be seen (unless you count A-list actress Olivia Jordan), as they all (wisely) fled for the hills as soon as Trump's incendiary statements dropped. And according to the country's (non) reactions to the "big" event, the sentiment was felt pretty much everywhere. There were a few folks here and there who tuned in to the competition with renewed vigor, but that was probably in the same way that you can't change the channel during a car chase scene.
Lol, I didn't even know that the miss USA pageant already showed— ??Emma?? (@emileealexis7) July 13, 2015
Still don't understand why women find being judged numerically on how well they meet conventional standards of beauty empowering #MissUSA— Melissa Anne (@MissMelissI) July 13, 2015
I love the swimsuit round of #MissUSA because you really get to know the girls personalities— Vinny Guadagnino (@VINNYGUADAGNINO) July 13, 2015
If you ever feel inadequate, just remember that a #MissUSA contestant thought the term "politically correct" had to do with politicians.— Rachel Page (@rachelpage_) July 13, 2015
Forever waiting on someone to pull a Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality and attack the winner, acting like the crown is a bomb. #MissUSA— Funny Tweets? (@Lmao) July 13, 2015
I hope the Miss USA pageant was just 50 women writing thinkpieces about why it even exists.— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) July 13, 2015
@ParkerMolloy I dunno, not sure if I can trust a president who won't even gawk at half-naked women at his own Miss USA pageant.— Beth Elderkin (@BethElderkin) July 13, 2015
So there you have it. You can all rest easy knowing that you spent last night learning how to do a fishtail braid and knitting booties for your future nieces and nephews instead of watching Miss USA. Check, mate.