Jay Paul/Getty ImagesGuys, remember college? Since I'm horribly nostalgic, I often find myself mourning my undergraduate years and longing for life to revert back to simpler (and drunker) times.
But then when I actually force myself to remember the nitty gritty of things, I realize college was actually kind of a hot mess. It was still magical, sure, but I did a lot of stupid things that could have been avoided with just a tidbit of advice. Most of the embarrassing things people do during those four years simply become hilarious memories, but some of them I'd rather not repeat. Ever. And I'm not just talking about my outfits.
Of course I'm no expert at surviving the college experience, but I do have a few pieces of wisdom now that could be useful to those lucky few who are preparing to start their four years. I may cringe when I look back at pictures of my fake tan and over straightened locks, but at least they've taught me a valuable lesson. Because I am as selfless as a saint, I'm sharing said lessons with all of you.
1. Mean girls still exist even after high school. If you don't think they do, that means you are the mean girl.
2. Men boys in college are even more brazen and have even more unwarranted confidence than in high school. Consider it practice for the true creeps, whom you will discover immediately upon graduating and entering the real world.
3. Do not live in a house with six roommates and very thin walls unless you want to be privy to some very disturbing and R-rated activity.
4. When you throw a bunch of college-age girls in a house, passive-aggressive behavior will run rampant. Do not take it personally.
5. You will never again be able to buy pitchers of beer for $5, so cherish the low prices in your college town. You will spend the first several years out of college realizing you were actually a baller compared to life in a big city on a magazine assistant's salary.
6. No matter how cute you think the home decor is at Urban Outfitters, do not buy it. Nobody past the age of 22 has any use for giant wall tapestries or moon-print sheets.
7. As fun as college is, if you're going in expecting a scene out of, say, Animal House, you're just going to be disappointed. You have to learn a little, after all.
8. Try to learn to prepare at least a few healthy meals before you ship out, and bonus points if they're healthy hangover meals. Because ordering pizza every Saturday morning to soak up the booze is not cute.
9. People may not appreciate your wacky dance moves at da club, but someday you'll be a huge hit at wedding receptions.
10. Spring Break is amazing and magical and don't let anyone tell you otherwise—it gets a lot harder to plan group trips when you all have jobs and boyfriends. But try to stick to destinations that are at least somewhat classy, otherwise you'll find yourself knee-deep in pickup trucks and Confederate flags.
11. Get a part-time job. Having to write home every time you blew your grocery and gas money on vodka gets old fast.
12. Not only are college professors not going to coddle you, but they'll barely even learn your name. This can be a good thing (when you're too hungover to go to class) or a bad thing (when you need to, like, learn).
13. When you get older, you will hate all college-age kids who do exactly what you used to do. It's the circle of life, or whatever.
14. You don't have to go out every night to have fun. Sometimes your favorite memories will be made sitting on your front porch, goofing off with your roommates.
15. But also sometimes going out is exactly what you need. You do you.
16. You don't have to eat late-night every weekend. Sometimes it's okay to pass on Taco Bell. In fact, passing should be encouraged.
17. Take care of your health! And no, nursing a hangover is not taking care of your health.
18. If you're going to blow off your assigned reading, make sure it's for a lecture and not a small discussion class. It's a lot harder to fake it in college.
19. Remember how you claimed "not to like beer" in high school? Hold onto that as long as possible, because no good can come from bonging Natural Light.
20. Cherish every last moment, because these four years will be but a distant memory before you know it.