The week started with the Super Bowl...and then it was off the rails from there!
SWITCHED AT BIRTH: Kylie Jenner had to know she'd be startin' somethin' by posting a pic of Khloé Kardashian Odom and a mystery man—and calling the guy Khloé's real dad!
SLIM JIM: Macaulay Culkin turned heads with his shockingly thin frame—but his rep assures (and kinda scolds) us that the 31-year-old former child star is in "perfect health."
BETTER SEEN THAN HEARD: Gisele Bündchen couldn't keep her opinions—about both teams!—to herself during the Super Bowl as she watched the New York Giants edge out hubby Tom Brady's New England Patriots. Unladylike, yes, but she's got the Angels (and the Donald) on her side.
CRASS-TIME SHOW: M.I.A., performing with Madonna and Nicki Minaj at the Super Bowl, used the opportunity to flip off the event's biggest audience ever. Even the Material Girl, known for pushing the envelope in her day, noted after the fact what a "negative" move it was. Piers Morgan, meanwhile, hated the whole show.
GAY RIGHTS: As Proposition 8 was declared unconstitutional and Ellen DeGeneres and, surprisingly, Bill O'Reilly were taking a stand against the so-called values-promoting One MIllion Moms, who lashed out at JCPenney for bringing Ellen on as a spokeswoman, CNN was suspending Roland Martin after he tweeted a really random anti-gay sentiment in response to David Beckham's body-flaunting Super Bowl ad...Oh, and Snooki considers herself bisexual.
Awkward A baseball signed by Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian was being auctioned off by the Minnesota Twins for charity until "technical difficulties" put a hitch in the bidding process. Meanwhile, Kris added more insight on his side of the 72-day-marriage story.
ROYAL FLUSH: Kate Middleton made a royal appearance without her husband for the first time, a preview tour of the Lucien Freud exhibit at London's National Portrait Gallery...Prince Harry completed Apache Attack Helicopter training
BABY BOOM: Robert Downey Jr. and wife Susan welcomed son Exton Elias...Kourtney Kardashian broke out the maternity bikini (aka, a bikini) while vacationing with Scott and Mason in Mexico...Mariah Carey shows off dem babies, Monroe and Moroccan...Jason Lee has another son on the way (let's hope he doesn't name the lad Co-Pilot)...Marla Sokoloff and hubby Alec Puro welcomed daughter Elliotte Anne...Twilight's Jackson Rathbone and Sheila Hafsadi expecting their first child.
ROMANCE RUNDOWN: Adam Levine and model girfriend Anne Vyalitsyna are still going strong...Courteney Cox insisted to Howard Stern that there have been no takers as far as her post-David Arquette love life is concerned...Jennifer Aniston talks love in InStyle...Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy are back on.
LAW & DISORDER: 19 Kids and Counting's Duggar family targeted by alleged extortionist...Amber Portwood has to shape up in rehab, or else...Hannah Montana's Mitch Musso gets probation in DUI case...Final Destination 3's Ryan Merriman gets probation in DUI case (it's an epidemic!)...Brad Pitt's World War Z crew isn't in trouble for having real guns...Ivanka Trump harasser gets probation...Chris Brown gets another thumbs-up from his judge...No more restraining orders against Jenelle Evans...Home Improvement kid Taran Noah Smith charged with DUI...Suge Knight popped for pot possession...Reality-TV producer Bruce Beresford-Redman, accused of killing his wife in Cancun, was extradited to Mexico to stand trial...Gary Busey files for Chapter 7...Rodney Atkins will do community service to beat a domestic violence rap...Flo Rida sued by former employee...Sharon Osbourne sued by jewelry maker...Warrant issued for Bow Wow's arrest...Randy Travis busted for DUI...Private jet company drops suit against Jay-Z...Sean Kingston owes the IRS.
FAREWELL: Bill Hinzmann, actor who played the first (and therefore scariest) zombie on the screen in Night of the Living Dead, died of cancer at 75...Jeffrey Fraza, a boxer and contestant on The Contender, was struck and killed by a train in Haverhill, Mass. He was 34...Director Bobby Farrelly's 20-year-old son, Jesse, died of an apparent drug overdose.
FASHION FRENZY: Lindsay Lohan was sporting a, um, mature new look at the big amFAR gala...Karl Lagerfeld dissed Adele—and regretted it...Fiery tongued Gisele is also hot for Versace...Megan Fox ices up for Armani cosmetics...Jennifer Lopez gets naked (and shrunken) for her new fragrance, Glowing...Madonna's daughter Lourdes got crafty with the clippers...Christian Louboutin shipped Blake Lively his entire spring collection, gratis (we're red-soled with envy)...Nicole Scherzinger is the new face of Herbal Essences hair care...Katy Perry goes mermaid for ghd's Air hairdryer...Courtney Stodden also dives into mermaid territory for FreeCreditScore.com...Are Eddie Cibrian's Charisma ads shiny enough?