Bitch-Back! Is Miley the Next Britney—Or Hilary?

Readers ask about Cyrus and her post-Disney future

Dear Ted:
Now that all of us can pretty much agree that Miley Cyrus officially ditched Disney, do you think she will be more of a Hilary Duff or a Britney Spears? Or in other words, will she just fade in or be bigger post-Disney?
—Rosie

Dear Over The Hil:
Uh, seriously, Rosie? Brit 2.0 all the way! Haven't you noticed by now that Disney was the one taming Miley this whole time? Now that she's kicked Mickey Mouse to the curb, watch out world! And we couldn't be more excited about it.

Dear Ted:
Is the reason we've been having such a hard time guessing Moisty Mohr's identity that you hardly ever write about him under his real name? Because, let me tell you, I'm not going to know a mainstream U.S. TV star from a hole in the ground, unless he has been featured in your blolumn.
—Agusta

Dear Missing Moisty:
He's not a column regular, true, but that's just because you all would scan right past his old'ish mug.

Dear Ted:
I'm confused about Tobey Yum-Yum and MeMe Dallas. If they have such a strong connection and enjoy rocking each others' trailer then why aren't they together?
—Laura

Dear Missed Connection:
They're young and their hormones are running amok. Neither one of them is looking to settle down anytime soon—not when there are so many people to do and things to see. Err, was that backwards? Nope, not for these two.

Dear Ted:
First of all, love your column, been reading it for years. Second, I'm just curious whether you could explain to me whether there are as many closeted lesbian celebrities as gay men? You seem to only talk about the gay male celebrities.
—Kristin

Dear Lez-Be-Gone:
Sure, there are plenty of D.L. lesbians in T-town, problem is they're plenty more discreet than the horny hunks running around hitting on any other dude that's moving. Plus let's face it, women can tame the beast, with guys (straight or gay) it's sex all the time.

Dear Ted:
In Parrish's B.V., you said that he attends the same parties as Crescent and Crotch Uh-Lastic. My question is, has Parrish hooked up with either of these two guys at the parties?
—Kate

Dear Party Pooper:
I wish, doll, those would be some pretty steamy hookups, but 'fraid to say that each celeb went through a different phase with these shindigs, with little to no overlapping. Otherwise, with the booze flowing and boys frolicking, who knows what would have happened? 

Dear Ted:
Has Vanessa Hudgens done something to you? I get she made a big mistake with the pics but I don't get the hate, you insinuate she's a bad girl, yet she doesn't have a Blind Vice. She really doesn't party in public and what she does behind closed doors is her business. I've met her and she was so kind and sweet.
—Rob

Dear Luv For Hudgens:
No personal vendetta against the gal, I've met her and she's quite sweet, just not the squeaky clean gal she'd like you to believe—not by a long shot. And just because she doesn't have her own Vice doesn't mean she hasn't made a guest cameo in one.

Dear Ted:
Has Katherine Heigl ever been a Blind Vice, or is her bad behavior already too well-known?
—Stephanie

Dear Hellraising Heigl:
Nope, Kathy's not a Blind Vicer...yet. Surprising, no?

Dear Ted:
Have you set your pretty peepers on the Time article where Eclipse producer, Wyck Godfrey, outs Robsten hardcore? You were oh-so-right! How does it feel to finally be vindicated?
—Ex-Nonsten

Dear No One Mourns the Wyck:
I don't need a suit to tell me whether or not I'm right. What have I been telling you for the past year and a half? Although, I do admit, it doesn't hurt to have a Summit producer on your side.

Dear Ted:
Wow, I just saw a picture of regularly skinny Kelly Ripa at an Electrolux event and she looked beyond emaciated. Scary thin. What's the skinny? It doesn't look healthy.
—Frankie

Dear Ripa-ed to Pieces:
She does look quite on the straw-like side. But if you know Kell, you know she's always just been a skinny and rather healthy lady. Still, we see her on camera-adds-ten-pounds television. And she needs those ten pounds, doll.

Dear Ted:
What's with all the love for Katy Perry? She seems very plastic to me, which makes me wonder...
—Ellen

Dear Perry Overboard:
Plastic? No! We love the girl for being herself and not being a total sham like the rest of Hollywood. Whatever her marriage sitch is, she's wild and out there and just normal enough for us to (kinda) relate. You listenin', Gaga?

Dear Ted:
I had already lost respect for David Letterman because of his unprofessional behavior in the work place regarding sex, but then to worsen things, he disrespected Kristen Stewart the entire time he interviewed her the other night. What a jerk! I think she really gave a great effort and did well, but he just wouldn't give her an inch and kept interrupting her. I thought he was rude and condescending. Your thoughts?
—Ms.

Dear Ms. Overreaction:
David's been in the business a long, long time and knows how to keep a talk show going. And let's face it, Kristen isn't the most talkative. I was rooting for Kris to handle him, and she kinda held her own. Here's hoping next time, if there is one, she sasses the hell out of him.

Dear Ted:
On Eclipse news, I've been reading less-than-crappy reviews. Seeing as how Robsten are actually more into their careers than into their public personas, do they get annoyed or saddened by the bad reviews? Or did they know from the start the movies would be awful?
—PLP

Dear Movie Buff:
Obviously they know the movies aren't going to be grade-A filmmaking. Otherwise they wouldn't have taken on so many other damn projects on the side. What other big budget, franchise-headlining stars do you know who have done as much work as they have instead of milking their one big series?

Dear Ted:
I was wondering about Seth Rogen—what's up with the guy? He's one of the most hard-working actors in La La Land (and I don't care what people say, I think he's really cute), and I know he's supposed to have a steady girlfriend. But I swear his face pops into my head when I read some of the B.V.'s in your columns and in other places. What gives? P.S.—Me and my rescue cat both love your work!
—Elle

Dear Sethual Deviant:
Maybe that's because Seth has definitely been a BV, and a good one at that. Now that he runs in the Judd Apatow crowd he's not exactly having to work that hard. Those boys have solidified themselves as box office gold! Or silver, at least.

Dear Ted:
Have you seen Joe Manganiello in True Blood this season? Wow, does he look delicious! I was wondering if you think his star will rise being on such a hit show? Do you have any other dirt on this gorgeous man? Do tell!
—Amanda

Dear Alcide Answers:
We recently ran into One Tree Hill star Robbie Jones, one of Manganiello's buddies, and he told us that Joe says the set is "beyond words" and we can look forward to some sexy things happening. If any HBO show right now is a star-maker, it's True Blood.

Dear Ted:
I'm the typical "starving college kid" type, and I must say your column has been a wonderful distraction from 10-page papers and such! As payoff for all my hard work (and because I have two kitties and a pit bull, all rescued) I would like to know more about our dear Twyla Babe-Sucker. You never write about her anymore, and I was wondering—is it because her situation is over, done, and resolved already, or could it be because it's already so all over the tabloids and media that it's not worth making it blind anymore?
—Char

Dear Twy, Twy Again:
Just for you, Twyla will be next week's Blind Vice. Promise. How does that sound everyone? Tomorrow we're revisiting another old favorite.