• Share
  • Tweet
  • Share

Say what you will about Tom Cruise, but the man knows how to pretend he loves someone. Really. If Tom's worked with you, knows you, or perhaps just glimpsed you crossing the street as he sips his morning coffee from his mansion-helicopter that hovers above the Hollywood sign and is invisible to the less-evolved human eye, then he has just the nicest things to say about you.

By way of example, here he is this morning on Live with Regis and Kelly.

Tom continued, "This interview has been wonderful. You two are great talents, and you just bring it. Really. And this stool, man, this stool I'm sitting on, the way it holds me up...this stool is a consummate professional.

"And you, security guard, the way you're escorting me out, not too gentle but also not too rough. And hey, Mr. EMT, you are fantastic. The way you're firmly guiding me into the back of the ambulance ever so carefully so I don't bite your face off and escape, you are nothing short of a great artist. Oh, and doctor...doctor...I mean, the way you and your staff are restraining me as I scrape and claw and try to break free...amazing! I am in the presence of greatness.

"And last—but not least, of course—you, padded cell. The way you cushion me with your gentle touch as I propel my body into your walls during the height of my mania... I love you. I love you and I love your family."

Follow @thesoup on Twitter.

_______

Tommy boy's Knight and Day is just one of the summer's big action flicks. Check out the rest!