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Danielle Staub is, hands down, the most troubled of the Real Houswewives of New Jersey. The dangerously checkered past, the rattling skeletons in her over-stuffed closet…in fact, the mere mention of her name sends the other, hate-filled housewives into a frenzy like sharks to fresh, bloody chum. No wonder she's unable to love herself. The answer? Surgery, of course. 

Doctor 1: This is bad. And by one of the biggest deformities ever I mean her self-loathing. It's enormous. Even worse than what they found during the Gary Coleman autopsy. Now feel how hard that is. It's her confidence.

Doctor 2: Jeez! It's like a dried up old pea! And almost non-existent.

Doctor 1: I know. It atrophies and shrinks after decades of inactivity. We might as well cut it out. But it's not going to be easy.

Doctor 2: I'll switch off the rest of the letters in the sign out front. We're going to need that extra electricity.

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