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Tom Cruise, Katherine Heigl, Gary Coleman

Courtesy Mark Davis/MTV/Picturegroup; Jon Furniss/WireImage; Jason Merritt/FilmMagic

You know how bad this summer is? Summer hasn't started yet, and we're already complaining.


What are we complaining about? What aren't we complaining about?

Let's start with Katherine Heigl's hair, and work our way down through our grievances. 

Our own Ella Ngo nailed Heigl's new look in London this week as a "Dynasty-era bouffant." She could've thrown in Dallas, too, for bad measure. Look, we know we shouldn't be bothered by such trivial things. But then Heigl shouldn't do a 'do that makes us think of trivial things, a la, which prime-time soap character did the actress most resemble? (Answer: Sable Colby.)

Too much Les Grossman. While we admire Tom Cruise for letting it all hang out (if under the cover of a fat suit and a skin cap), we gotta say the act is just a teensy bit unfunny. In fact, the more we see of it—and it was nonstop at the MTV Movie Awards—the more unfunny it becomes. 

The death of a Golden Girl. Another one. Yes, that is one surefire buzz kill right there.

The Gary Coleman mess. We knew his life lacked for rainbows and sunshine. We never guessed his death, or, rather, its aftermath, would be just as hellish.

Ridiculous movie-admission prices. Did you hear the one about the $20 ticket to Shrek Forever After? It was a mistake. The theater chain meant to charge "only" $19. Wow, thanks!

Even more ridiculous movies. Did you hear the one about  Sex and the City 2? It takes place in Abu Dhabi. Oh, and we'll get back to you on Marmaduke, The Killers, Just Wright and Splice after we catch them on an airplane.

We could go on (and on), but we'll spare you the screed on Lindsay Lohan's ankle. (The short version: We wish it well. But most of all we wish it would stay out of our face.)

In the course of human history, have there been worse summers? Sure. We're betting that one time the cave guy's barbecue got canceled on account of fire hadn't been discovered yet was pretty sucky. Also, the sinking of the Lusitania? Total bummer. 

But in the course of pop-culture history, have there been worse summers? We can't name one. The Glee finale was great and all—and, to be honest, we liked Lost's too—but that's not enough to blot out Kate Gosselin's TLC return.    

Now, it's possible we're being hasty. As we said up top, summer, which kicked off in Hollywood with the opening of Iron Man 2, doesn't formally begin until June 21. Eclipse is still to come. And Toy Story 3. And the new Christopher Nolan movie. Why, maybe between now and Labor Day, we'll be inspired by Coleman's heirs, whoever they may be, and moved to apologize to Heigl's hair. 

Yeah, and the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico will turn out to be great for the environment.  

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Still hope for summer movies? Maybe. Check out our Summer 2010 Movie Guide.