Snooki, Chelsea Handler

John Parra/Getty Images; E! Networks

Jersey Shore's loud little nugget Snooki recently posted a video describing what her "perfect man" would be like. She recently broke up with a guy, but we won't get the full story on that until the new season starts to air, which I'm on the edge of my toilet seat with anticipation for. Apparently at one point she blew up at her ex and told him, "I hope you get STDs." So...that probably didn't end great. Now Snooki knows what she wants, and explained that, "He needs to be muscley, gorilla status, tanned, orange whatever. As long as you aren't pale as a ghost...Do you think I would date a pale person who dislikes Ed Hardy? No." What a...wordsmith. I don't know what you're up to these days, Jon Gosselin, but I think she's talking to you.

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