Will Ragozzino/Getty Images; Isaac Brekken/WireImage; Michael Loccisano/Getty Images; David Tonnessen; PacificCoastNews.com; Han Myung-Gu/WireImageSilly Chace Crawford. Dennis Hopper didn't pass away so that you could fill his place in the pot-smoking universe.
But the Gossip Girl hottie's arrest on Friday for allegedly possessing the herb was actually a prime example of the sheer randomness of the news this past week, aside from what was expected: a steady flow of fallout from Gary Coleman's death.
Catch up with it all, including Kristen Stewart's latest ill-advised swipe at the cameras that love her, right here:
FAREWELL: Dennis Hopper had been ill for awhile, but it was still a shock, considering the prolificacy of his career, when the 72-year-old finally lost his battle with prostate cancer last Saturday. A truly groovy artist till the end, no less than fellow 1960s breakout star Jack Nicholson called him a "soul mate" during the funeral in Taos, N.M.
GOLDEN GIRL: Rue McClanahan, who delighted audiences of all ages playing fiftysomething (depending on who was asking) maneater Blanche Devereaux on The Golden Girls, died Thursday at 76, leaving Betty White as the lone surviving member of the Emmy-winning quartet. Thankfully, we've got reruns to last a lifetime.
WHERE THERE'S A WILLIS THERE'S A WAY: Funeral plans for Gary Coleman have been put on hold—possibly for no reason now that his parents have backed off the idea of fighting for custody of his remains, which they set out to do because it turned out he was divorced from Shannon Price (who did indeed have the legal right to allow doctors to take the actor off life support). Todd Bridges said there was a secret will, and now there's a publicized will, and Sue and Willie Coleman said they'll go with whatever it says. Could it be that we're going to have a tragic celebrity death that doesn't spiral into a maelstrom of lawsuits and finger-pointing? Golly!
NIXED METAPHOR: The minute she said it we knew an apology was in the cards for Kristen Stewart, who suffered a severe brain fart when talking to Elle UK when she compared the paparazzi's rabid attention to being raped. An "enormous mistake," she called it, while the evidence evidence mounts that K.Stew is better (way better) seen than heard. Well, except when she's doing this.
BORDERLINE: Lady Gaga tested "borderline positive" for lupus, but says she isn't showing any symptoms of the autoimmune disorder, which her mother tells her is genetic. The one-woman show certainly looks as healthy as a caballo in her "Alejandro" video.
DOH!: Chace Crawford bestowed yet another pictorial gift upon his fans when he was arrested in Texas for allegedly having a wee bit of marijuana on him and posed for this scrufftastic mug-shot...The New World star Q'orianka Kilcher (she was Pocahontas) was arrested in front of the White House for messily protesting Peru's oil policy...Real Housewives newcomer Sonja Morgan was popped for DUI in the Hamptons, dahling.
BABY BOOM: Céline Dion's pregnant with twins after undergoing in vitro...Sheryl Crow is now a mother of two after adopting son Levi James...Jodie Sweetin talks pregnancy and sobriety...Kevin Costner and wife Christine welcomed a daughter, their third child together and his seventh.
HITCHED: Jane Lynch and partner Dr. Lara Embry tied the knot in Massachusetts on Memorial Day...Ian Ziering swapped vows with Erin Kristine Ludwig, his second marriage...Survivor: Fiji winner Earl Cole married longtime love Shelley Lee.
SPLITS: Al and Tipper Gore call it quits after 40 years of marriage...Mark Paul Gosselaar and wife Lisa Ann Russell split up after 14 years and two kids...Scorned woman extraordinaire Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon files for divorce from hubby Mike...Guillermo del Toro has left The Hobbit in the lurch...Naveen Andrews and girlfriend of 12 years Barbara Hershey parted ways.
SICK: John Mayer canceled the rest of his Euro trip after falling ill. We're hearing it wasn't verbal diarrhea this time.
R.I.P.: Ted Koppel's son Andrew was found dead in an acquaintance's Manhattan apartment after supposedly going on an all-day drinking binge. He leaves behind a daughter, a pregnant girlfriend, a devastated family and a lot of questions.
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT: Charlie Sheen plans to cop a plea and accept the two weeks in the slammer that's coming to him. Brooke Mueller will not be there...Marley Shelton pleaded no contest to speeding and avoided a DUI rap and jail...Kirsten Dunst's hotel room bandit convicted the second time around of felony burglary...So You Think You Can Dance choreographer Alex Da Silva pleads not guilty to rape...Mexican authorities issued a warrant for reality-TV producer Bruce Beresford-Redman to be arrested for murder in the killing of his wife...A Malawi court released a gay couple who had been given a 14-year prison sentence for, well, being gay after Madonna railed against the blatant injustice.
LEGAL WRANGLING: Judge dismisses nanny's sexual discrimination suit against Heather Mills...David Carradine's widow files a wrongful death suit...An increasingly clean Lindsay Lohan's parents have hammered out a custody deal (not pertaining to her, mind you).
TV GOODNESS: Watch With Kristin gets ready for the next season of True Blood...Also coming Sunday, Kate Plus 8...Lauren Conrad's not bothering with The Hills finale...WWK looks ahead at CBS and Fox's fall seasons and plays favorites...WWK also wants you to vote on the best and worst season finales...Glee signs off for the summer...The Bacheloretteo warms up...The Real Housewives of New York rages on...Don't forget the MTV Movie Awards on Sunday. We'll be there, along with Sandra Bullock!
B!TCHERY: The Answer B!tch ponders Suri Cruise's spoiled quotient, her latest obsessions, Lindsay's wisdom teeth removal and youngsters like 29-year-old Kim Kardashian getting Botox.
TITANIC INSULT: James Cameron is all up in BP's face over this environmentally catastrophic oil spill thing in the Gulf of Mexico. But while he's known for being a bit of a blowhard, we're inclined to listen to the guy who's been probing the depths of the ocean for IMAX documentary purposes for years.
SAD LOSS: Jorge Garcia's pet chihuahua, Nunu, died after being hit by a car in Hawaii, just as the actor was about to leave for the mainland. (They really weren't supposed to leave the Island in the first place!)
WOMEN'S TROUBLES: George Clooney's girlfriend takes back whatever it is she didn't say about Jennifer Aniston...PETA's none too pleased with mink coat-desiring Brooke Shields...Leona Lewis reveals she recently fell down an elevator shaft, and she was not shooting a remake of L.A. Law.
SEEN: Bradley Cooper, Liam Neeson, Jessica Biel, et al. at The A-Team premiere...Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl at The Killers premiere...Ashley Greene talking Breaking Dawn and Jennifer Love Hewitt talking singledom at the MTV Movies Awards Style Lounge...Miley Cyrus experimenting on Britain's Got Talent...The Kardashian girls going blond, platinum blond...Paul McCartney being honored at the White House...Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick on a date...Robert Pattinson playing the friendly (but hot if you take off the glasses and shake out the hair) dork in The Bad Mother's Handbook, a 2007 BBC production now coming to DVD...R.Pattz all hottied up in a new Eclipse clip...Nikki Reed also talking Twilight and Courteney Cox talking threesome therapy at the Women in Film Crystal + Lucy Awards...Eva Mendes walking her dog...Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert helping Conan O'Brien bring the funny at Radio City Music Hall...Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie enjoying a Malibu beach party on Memorial Day.
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Week in Review is here to give you the rundown, but for the big picture, check out The Big Picture.