Yeah, yeah, we know.
You've watched her talk show every day for almost 24 years, you have a lifetime subscription to O, you're a charter member of her book club, and you've TiVo'd every teary made-for-TV movie she's put her name above the title of.
But until you've gotten a load of the dirt Kitty Kelley dug up for her new, highly unauthorized biography, you don't know Oprah Winfrey. Here are the CliffsNotes (or should that be Tesh Notes?):