Bitch-Back! Ted's as Desperate as Jennifer Aniston!

Readers don’t see the similarities in Jen's and Brad’s W covers

By Ted Casablanca Mar 13, 2010 1:45 PMTags
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Dear Ted:
I see absolutely no similarities between the two W covers for Jen and Gerard and Brangelina. I mean...really, Ted. Why are you trying to continue to fuel the nonexistent fire? All I notice is Jen's desperation at wanting really badly to be considered sexy. Not working!
—Kayros

Dear Provoker:
We're not the only ones who saw the similarities between the two mags—and for good reason. Both couples are trying to pull off the totally sultry, moody vibe, and Angie and Jen are both rocking the same pouting puss. But I agree that the cover is not Jen's best shot—when she tries to be sexy, she comes off as anything but.

Dear Ted:
I'm confused. I thought Kristen went to Rob's premiere to support Rob, not for PR. But now Taylor has shown up at Kristen's premiere, as well, despite having no attachment to her movie at all. I didn't know they were such good buddies. Looks like Summit PR to me. And I'm starting to wonder if Robsten was ever real.
—C

Dear Debbie Doubter:
K.Stew and T.L. actually are good friends and, after Oscar weekend, have grown quite chummy—but don't fear, only as pals. While he may love the extra publicity he'll get for walking the red carpet, Taylor's there for the same reason Kristen was at R.M.: support. And Robsten's real, babe, get used to it.

Dear Ted:
Don't you think it's too PR convenient that Jake Gyllenhaal's people created a media hookup with Olivia Munn just when Prince of Persia is soon to be released? She is a host of a video game channel with a geek fanbase. Could you tell they are trying to attract the gamers to see Jake's video game-based movie? The people who design showmances are too transparent.
—Mike

Dear G4 True Love:
You, my friend, may have a future in PR.

Dear Ted:
I don't understand why everyone is giving Taylor Lautner so much importance. I saw the 10-second Eclipse trailer, and 0 percent chemistry with Kristin Stewart, and I don't think he's hot and all that (I am wondering if the guy can even act!). Summit's placing him as the leading man of the series and he's not. Rob should get much more credit. Please tell what the hell is going on.
—Mary

Dear Overrated:
Summit may have been responding to how upset some Twi-hards were getting when they threatened to drop Lautner after Twilight due to his lack of muscles. It's either too little or too much Lautner for you guys, isn't it? Poor baby.

Dear Ted:
After seeing the Eclipse trailer, I'm cautiously optimistic. My big concern is that Summit gave us what we wanted to see, and it isn't necessarily a true representation of what we'll be shown in the actual movie. Is there any cause for my concern? I get the feeling that Summit's surprise success with Twilight put them on a major power trip and they feel untouchable and unaccountable. I am encouraged that the editor from Twilight is back in the driver's seat. Any chance the Summit suits have learned to eat their humble pie and are finally listening to the fans?
—C

Dear Cautious & Concerned:
A trailer is for marketing purposes, after all, so they're definitely playing to what they know the fans want to see—that is, brooding hunk Edward and head-over-heals Bella. The movie franchise has never strayed too far from the books (though, a few creative departures certainly would help), so what you read, for the most part, will be what you get.

Dear Ted:
Did you see Lady Gaga's "Telephone" video? It is over the top even by Gaga standards. The scene were she poisons an entire diner including the dog is just wrong. I really like her music, but her videos keep getting darker and more twisted. Is she finding it hard to keep topping herself or is her celebrity exposing a more sinister side to her personality?
—CJ

Dear Not So Gaga:
We totally loved the video. Super Tarantino inspired—Gaga even nabbed the Pussy Wagon from Kill Bill. But I wouldn't say it was any darker than the "Paparazzi" video—in fact, we'd say it was more campy than morbid.

Dear Ted:
Is it just me, or does Johnny Depp's Mad Hatter resemble Madonna? Something about the eyes, teeth and hair. Every time I see the promo on TV, I have the same thought. Am I crazy?
—Victoria

Dear Mad-ge:
That is spot on—hilarious!

Dear Ted:
Kristen Stewart was recently on the Tonight Show and she and Jay Leno talked about the pubs in London. Kristen did talk about the pubs and how it is different than bars here in the good ol' U.S. of A, so did she just confirm that she and Rob were together because there were reports that they were together in pubs. Maybe I'm reading into this too much but I do think she somewhat confirmed that her and Rob were in fact together in London. Very tricky of Leno.
—Faye

Dear Pub Crawl:
I highly doubt Leno is that clever in his intentions—look what a colossal mess he just made of his own TV maneuverings. But for die-hard Robsten fans, it's just more proof of their Euro rendezvous—though we're sure you believed us when we told you about the London lovebirds, right?

Dear Ted:
Has Peter Sarsgaard ever been the subject of one of your B.V.s? And is there some feud between Samuel L. Jackson and Mo'Nique? His reaction after her Oscar speech was interesting.
—M

Dear Sideways Glances:
No beef, at least nothing serious. Mo'Nique can be a pretty powerful woman, though, and she got pretty emotional during the speech—SLJ was probably just trying to cut the tension (or maybe he'd had too much liquid courage like George Clooney?).

Dear Ted:
Is Topher Hairy-Tuchus George Clooney? If you don't answer, I'm gonna assume it is.
—Tell Me

Dear Nice Try:
You know what they say about assuming.

Dear Ted:
What's going on with Jeremy Renner's PR team? First they're talking up him flirting with Jessica Simpson, now with Carey Mulligan?
—Abby

Dear Limelight:
He's trying to play the "ladies' man" role in real life, too. So what do you think: Does he seem like an eligible bachelor or just a desperate dud?

Dear Ted:
You seriously jerk around all the Robsten fans' emotions all the time. You've said time and time again that if Robsten was just a PR ploy trying to sell Twilight movies, they wouldn't be so damn hush-hush about it. And in a Bitch-Back, you said "Robsten know full well mystery sells." I am starting to get the feeling you are just as confused as we are. Or lying about something?
—Katharine

Dear Truth:
Robsten never began the relationship for PR purposes and they do genuinely like to stay under the radar with their relaysh status, but neither of them is stupid. They've been in the H'wood game for a while. They're starting to get braver, hallelujah!

Dear Ted:
You've mentioned in the past that Rachel McAdams is as real as they get in Hollywood. In your B.B., you said that she would only date Jake Gyllenhaal if "one of them had a movie coming out." Is Rachel really the type of girl to fake date someone just to promote a movie? Say it ain't so! She's one of the few normal ones left!
—V

Dear Better Than That:
A good costar romance (or at least the rumor of one) can help create buzz for any movie, but don't give up on Rach just yet. We were focusing more on Jakey-poo with that jab. Because we love him so.

Dear Ted:
I'm so curious about the true identity of Henrietta Hard-Ball and was hoping because I'm having a bad day (my husband's company went under), you would give me a clue. Are they newly married or a more established couple?
—Blue

Dear Best of Luck:
Henrietta and her hubby have had their superskanky arrangement for a while now. Sorry about the hubby's biz—give him an extra-special hug from me tonight, 'K?

________

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