Bitch-Back! And the Award Goes to Best Fake!

Readers all hot ‘n’ bothered about Oscars, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner

Dear Ted:
So what was George Clooney's deal at the Academy Awards? He appeared to be acting like a 3-year-old child that got his toys taken away. He had such a sourpuss look on his face, and he made it clear the funnymen on stage shouldn't dare tease him. Really?
—Nikki

Dear Oh Dear:
Sweetheart, that's faker Clooney, a man with whom what you see is never what you get. Witness his love life.

Dear Ted:
What's up with Taylor Lautner? I think he has zero charisma, no chemistry with his onscreen ladies and he's as sexy as a rock (you need to have more than muscles to be hot). But I'm dying to know your opinion! Could you please tell me what you really think of him?
—Cindy

Dear Since You Asked:
Honestly? It's too soon to tell. He's a kid who's clearly enjoying the fame—and he sure knows how to work it. I just don't think Taylor's realized how emotionally expensive all this put-on show for the cameras is going to be, once he actually gets a life.

Dear Ted:
Was Sean Hayes the big reveal in The Advocate? I mean, duh.
—Jasmolak

Dear No Kidding:
Yeah, unless Sandra Bullock's been trying to tell us something with all that Meryl Streep smooch stuff. But, really, reminds me of when Nathan Lane finally came out. What's the point?

Dear Ted:
Check out this picture of Jodie Foster and Kristen Stewart. What in the world could she be saying to her?
—Erinwest

Dear It's Obvious:
Jodie's clearly telling KStew that if she trots out Taylor again like he's her little bitchlette, she's dead meat.

Dear Ted:
In one of your recent posts, you commented, "remember, T.Swift never rocked the purity ring like those JoBros did. She's not a fake, which, in our book, really makes you sexy." Are all of the purity ring wearers in Hollywood fake, or do some of them actually keep their promises?
—Cea 

Dear Gullible:
I believe Jake Gyllenhaal has put his back on, but, he's pretty much the exception.

Dear Ted:
With One Tree Hill being on the bubble of cancellation, do you think the same is true for Sophia and Austin? How long do you think they'll last if OTH gets the ax?
—Alittlebliss

Dear Good Question:
Hmm. How long did it take for Sophia's BFF Danneel Harris to tell me she's so getting married to Jensen Ackles? About the same time.

Dear Ted:
So the "big coming out" on the cover of The Advocate is Sean Hayes, like seriously? God, even my grandma, who has no clue about who Madonna is, already knew he was gay. It's great for him, but if that's what some HW gay journalists are considering as a major revelation, it only unfortunately proves that there's still a looong way until any gay A-lister (Toothy Tile, I'm looking at you) will be comfortable to officially be proud of who they are and who they love, and that's really sad and disappointing. But I guess one tiny little baby step after the other is better than nothing. 
—Audrey

Dear You Maybe Gotta Point:
I still don't think we should keep settling for only small-screen stars to do our same-sex battling for us. It's all very second-class citizen stuff, really. We should demand the big leaguers be honest with us, too.     

Dear Ted:
Why is Summit so interested in hiding the relationship between Rob and Kristen? At this point, it is so absolutely ridiculous. When Rob is being asked about Kristen, or vice versa, they're willing to answer, but their handlers, in a very rude way, just cut off the interview and take them away. Summit is gaining the hate of all the Robsten fans.
—Mar

Dear Look Closer:
Have you ever wondered if maybe Rob and Kristen have been made aware that's what their handlers will always do, prior to each interview? They're not as blissfully out of it as you might think. Robsten knows full well mystery sells.

Dear Ted:
Does Elisabetta Canalis actually speak English? If not, then how can she maintain a relationship with George Clooney? Or does it really matter?
—Momma

Dear Tongue Tricks:
Mom, Elisabetta speaks paparazzi quite fluently. It's the only language George's women need to bone up on, anyway, so don't worry your little heart.

Dear Ted:
OK...K.Stew at the Oscars was dismal. They finally put her in a decent dress and sent her out there and what does she do? Cough...not once, but twice? Nerves? Poor T.Lautner gets stuck with Miss "I don't really want to be here." Never mind that they were so completely lucky to even be there in the first place, and on stage! I am telling you that 10 shades of the same gray is boring! K.Stew in any movie is the same...lip chewing...hand ringing...poor skills..someone send that girl to charm school! Paleeeez! Done rant...
—Santa Fe

Dear Excuse Me?:
You get to rant, but, not me?  Fine. Enjoy your little life with perfect and perfectly blah Taylor, who at the Oscars—yes!—didn't show an ounce of human error, or emotion. But, we here at the A.T. actually prefer stars who live their lives for themselves (imperfections and all), not the audience.

Dear Ted:
Loved your "swag" article about Sarah Palin, and the Palin/Clooney pictures were priceless. I guess a pig wearing free lipstick is still a pig.
—Karen

Dear Thank You But:
Wash your nasty mouth out, Karen! Freebie-addicted Palin is not a pig. She's a crafty wolf in pig's clothing.