Bitch-Back! Taylor Swift, Secret Sex Kitten?

Readers wonder about T. Swift’s purity

Dear Ted:
In a recent answer to a reader's question, you mentioned Taylor Swift isn't completely sweet or innocent off camera. I have to say I had heard stories before that she actually has a strong sexual drive. This tends to give weight to the tab stories that she has lately been spending nights with John Mayer. Are these all just rumors or do you actually hear anything concrete from reliable sources to confirm her alleged hookup with Mayer? I have to say I'd be very disappointed in her if she settles for him, especially with how clear it is that he has no respect for women and no use for them other than as a place to exercise his crude sexual nature.
—F

Dear Swiftly Seductive:
If Tay is actually all that hot to get down, we have the feeling she'll know exactly how to handle d-bag Mayer. Girl knew what she was getting into. And, remember, T.Swift never rocked the purity ring like those JoBros did. She's not a fake, which, in our book, really makes you sexy.

Dear Ted:
Oh, Tedalicious, do you think our dear Kristen will play at the Oscars while the cat is away? This is my vain attempt for you to define for us just how "on" Robsten is!
—Kim

Dear Mouse Trap:
Please, K.Stew is attending the awards with Taylor Lautner—the duo's chemistry is strictly for the big screen (and even then, to be honest, it's never been too hot). The chance of that couple happening is negative one hundred and fifty percent.

Dear Ted:
I just read about Mo'Nique having an open marriage. Does this confirm any of your BVs now that this is out in the open? Thanks!
—B

Dear Hairy Situation:
TMI. The always salty Mo'Nique definitely didn't hold back in her Barbara Walters interview. But, hey, if her hubby likes his women game 'n' hairy, as Ms. M. revealed, I don't think Mo's got to worry much about him straying (unless, of course, they're visiting Europe).

Dear Ted:
I've been reading you since Premiere mag and finally got around to watching the movie Valley of the Dolls, mainly to check out the character you named yourself after. I loved this movie! It was so camp, so hysterical, so fabulous, and you know what? So dead-on with what is still happening in the lives of the rich and famous today—as I gather from the BV's and general goss in your column. Love you, love the column, you're keeping this mum-to-be very amused.
—Mel

Dear Doll:
Mucho thanks, babe. And you know nothing ever changes in H'weird. That's why we love it so much.

Dear Ted:
With all the Robsten talk, how do the 'rents and families factor in? I get the distinct impression the Pattinson family loves their K.Stew and the Stewart family is nuts about our Rob. They come across as genuine, supportive and cool people—I can only imagine that they are just as happy about these two finding each other as we all are. Am I right? Doesn't hurt that both marriages are strong and sound—something that possibly Rob hinted at wanting for his own personal life.
—Fish

Dear Family Matters:
Hold off on the wedding invites, R.Pattz isn’t looking to put a ring on anyone’s finger just yet. ‘Tho, when he does, it will be with the support of his adorable fam. His chosen partner's, too, for that matter.

Dear Ted:
So Angie and Brad are really stepping it up trying to portray to the world they are one big happy-in-love family. I mean, Angie must really want everyone to believe they are still in love, she brought the "big guns out"—the twins! Ted, am I nuts to just not buy into this whole "king and queen of the world love story?" When you see the pictures of Brad and her being lovely dovey, Brad looks like he'd rather be somewhere else and Angie looks like she's hoping the photographers get her best angle. I'm really sure they love their kids, but not sure they love each other. To me it seems they are both getting something out of this relationship and it's not love. It seems the relationship is more about hiding each other's deep dark secrets. Would love to know your thoughts!
—P

Dear Shamtastic:
They don't call Ange a media manipulator for nothing—babe knows how to work the press. That's really all there is to say here.

Dear Ted:
So Straw Dogs is pushed back and suddenly Alexander Skarsgard and Kate Bosworth disappear. Coincidence? Was it just for PR or are they just hiding from all the press?
—L

Dear Dog Gone It:
Don’t be surprised if you see them getting cuddly when the movie is back on schedule, of that we can be sure.

Dear Ted:
Okay, here's my guess for Cruella St. Shackles and Marky Sweet-Puss, is it Courteney Cox and her hubby David Arquette? I so hope not! They have always seemed like a sweet and genuine couple, her yin to his yang. So am I hot?
—Ina

Dear Way Cold:
Cruella doesn't have the knack for comedy that Court does (not at all), so rest easy—C.C. and her hubby aren't the BV duo.

Dear Ted:
In your latest Bitch-Back, you said that you think Lea Michele is the Nikki Reed of TV—what did you mean? Is Lea not as nice as she seems?
—Sun

Dear Naughty or Nice:
Let's just say come season two (or sooner), we're sure Lea will start up some on-set drama. The sexy, tough chicks always do.

Dear Ted:
Why did Selena Gomez decide to do a singing career when just last year she said she does not have a passion for music and she would not go that route? She said her passion is for acting only. Is this girl that money and fame hungry or is Disney forcing her?
—E

Dear Multitalented:
Hey, if Miles can do it, why not Selena (albeit less successfully)? Disney kids never stop at just one talent—how the hell do you think Mickey Mouse makes his money?

Dear Ted:
My birthday is next week and I'm a bit depressed at how close I am to reaching 30. I think if you gave us all some scoop on Nelly Fang, whether it be about his latest antics or a hint about his true identity, that would cheer me up immensely. Pretty please? With a cherry on top.
—Courtney

Dear Birthday Girl:
Gawd, 30—so old, how will you be able to cope? Will it make it easier if I tell you Nelly often prefers guys much older than even you?

Dear Ted:
Are Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts Off Giselle and Tom Brady? They had two weddings, "much public pronouncement," and Tom is less gorgeous but more talented than Beckham (I think).
—Jennifer

Dear Model Behavior:
Giselle’s got Secretia beat it the beauty department—'tho, only by a bit. Plus, Tom Brady and wife have a kid, which Secretia and Chester totally don’t have time for.

Dear Ted:
You are as sleazy and immoral as all this crap you perpetuate. What a nice mark you're leaving on the world. You promote purity and morality—not. What a worthless, empty, meaningless career path you've chosen. If you continue, you'll leave the world a worse place because you got into this immoral, polluted garbage that has no real, lasting, eternal value of any kind.
—Z

Dear Optimist:
Hey, I got a tight-ass like you to read me, that's one for the tombstone!