Morning Piss: Jon & Levi Give Penises a Bad Name

Playboy gets the hots, while Playgirl gets the nots

I hate to be a dick, but why can't Playgirl nab any famous dudes who are, you know, actually hot to show off their stuff?

Until recently, the biggest name to sign on to flash his family junk for the struggling nudie rag was Levi Johnston. After boasting about his workout regiment and stirring speculation that he'd be showing off his hockey stick full frontal-style, Sarah Palin's grandbaby daddy was pudgy, flat-assed and hesitant to give away the goods.

And now Playgirl is considering nabbing someone who'd make Levi look like an Adonis:

Jon Gosselin, of course.

You'd have to be nuts to want to see the former reality star in his birthday suit, but rumor has it the online mag wants J.G. to show off his disco balls for their subscribers (tho I'm assuming Kate still has testicles in her purse).

The magazine has allegedly offered him an itty-bitty paycheck to match his itty-bitty...well, you get it. And if you don't, Hailey Glassman is still über-bitchy about her formed flame and has taken to Twitter to rant about his short comings.

Heck, I'd lower my standards and say the cover boys didn't even have to be that famous. Playboy has reality stars and D-list celebs on its cover all the time yet, unlike Playgirl, actually tries to pick no-names who have some degree of sex appeal.

May I offer a suggestion?

Former Bachelor and newest Dancing With the Stars contests Jake Pavelka. Despite his short stature, the dimpled stud seems to be willing to do about anything to stay in the limelight, and I think he'd make a more than decent centerfold. Plus, he's a pilot so the theme is a no-brainer—prepare for a whole new meaning to the term cockpit.

Do us a favor, Playgirl, stop picking disgusting d-bags and show us some dude we'd actually like to see naked. Or at least do like Playboy and Photoshop the pictures until they look hot.

Hey, it worked for Tara Reid.