Bitch-Back! Selena Is a Saint

Readers bitch about Ted’s awful treatment of Selena Gomez

Dear Ted:
I read all your articles, even about people I'm not interested in! I know goody-goodies aren't as much fun to write about, but could you please not diss Selena Gomez? As a fellow Christian goody-goody, I think it's admirable that she has asserted what she believes in—no sex before marriage—and she actually practices what she preaches with her behavior, words and way of dress. She should be praised in the days when stars like Miley Cyrus preach one thing and say another, because let's be real, that pole dancing didn't exactly scream true love waits to me!
—C.E.

Dear Leave Selena Alone!
Last I checked, I called S.G. "nothing short of an angel" and "adorable and genuinely sweet." I hardly think she'll be crying over those awful disses. C'mon, I love the little Disney Diva, but that's not to say I don't love Miles—pole-dancing controversy and all. Do the Christian thing and love 'em both, 'K?

Dear Ted:
How about a new clue on my fave Blind Vice: Judas Jack-Off. If not a new clue, at least can you tell us if he and Dashed are still nooky active, or has 3-D finally wised up?
—Kate

Dear Clued In:
Triple-D has made it very clear to Judas that the only on-the-sly sex JJO will be getting is the solo kind, thank heavens. I'm sick of watching DDD get played—now we just have to hope he can keep resisting that no-good ex of his.

Dear Ted:
I really get tired of people commenting that you seem to be on Summit's payroll. You are a gossip columnist trying to please his readers who I am sure ask you nonstop about Robsten. Sorry that you have to hear the silliness. Why do they read if it bothers them so? Anyway, do people email correct answers for Blind Vices regularly?
—A

Dear Gossip Guru:
Hardly regularly, but every now and then, somebody nails it. And just because one goss genius can figure it out doesn't mean I'm going to blab for the rest of you. Although, I guarantee you this: If you rescue a doggy or a kitty (or whatever critter floats your hairy boat), it gets you extra credit and consideration for a reveal, promise.

Dear Ted:
Which is it: Brad and Angelina just have their normal ups and downs like every couple, as you make it sound in your latest post, or they're very unhappy and headed for splitsville, as you've made it sound in others?
—J

Dear Brangelina Bemused:
Again, nothing about the superduo is normal. And I do know something's going down in Brangelinaville, but Ange is set on having everyone believe that everything is perfectly...well, normal.

Dear Ted:
How do you deal with the endless letters about Kristen Stewart breaking up with Michael Angarano? They are teens, it happens. Move on. She has.
—Jane

Dear Teen Talk:
I can guarantee there are far fewer people on Team Michael than there are people rooting for Robsten (sorry, M.A.!).

Dear Ted:
I am loathe to connect the words gossip and Perez, but he posted that Matthew Fox was busying it up with a stripper. Has Matthew ever been a Blind Vice? If so, was his B.V. strippertastic?
—A

Dear Lost:
Please, Matthew Fox is just as boring as they say he is in Knocked-Up and is definitely not worthy of a B.V. honor.

Dear Ted:
Is Nelly Fang Rostam Batmanglij of Vampire Weekend? He just stated in an interview that he was hoping his song I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend would become a gay anthem!
—Allie

Dear Weekend at Nelly's:
While Team Awful does love the band's latest video, Rostam isn't nearly debauched enough to be the legendary Nelly Fang.

Dear Ted:
Who is doing better these days, Whitney Houston or Bobby Brown? Something tells me Bobby Brown because Whitney basically threw him under the bus and has more to prove; plus, he's not all to blame in this sordid story.
—D

Dear Crack Is Whack:
Whitney is definitely doing better publicly, despite mixed reviews of her current tour. But years of dysfunction—we all saw the crazy that went down on Being Bobby Brown, right?—doesn't just go away when you release a new CD.

Dear Ted:
What's your take on the latest Jolie-Voight reconciliation? Methinks me smells a PR stunt. What say you?
—Nickie

Dear Odorific:
PDA madness? Suing the tabs? Hugging it out with daddie dearest? Sounds like Ange is going the extra mile to make her life seem like it's all sunshine and rainbows, which in the world of goss, obviously means it's not. But then, you already knew that, didn't you, Nickie?

Dear Ted:
Kirsten Dunst seems to have fallen off the face of the Earth. What's happened to her? She used to be one of my favorite actresses. Did Hollywood chew her up and spit her out? Hope not.
—Jamele

Dear Done With Dunst:
Besides starring in a totally WTF-worthy video in which she lip syncs "Turning Japanese" between shots of anime porno, Kiki hasn't been up to much of anything in the last few years. Talk about peaking—we liked Bring It On, but it's hardly the best H'wood legacy to leave.

Dear Ted:
With the soaring popularity of JJO and DDD, I have to wonder if either is in the Blind Vice Superstar Gallery. Have they reached the B.V. infamy level yet?
—C

Dear B.V. Superstar:
With all the attention the down-and-dirty duo has been getting, they're definitely becoming infamous. But with how sluttastic Judas is, I'm not surprised he's become such a hit.

Dear Ted:
If people knew the old joke—I'm allergic to vagina, it makes me swell—do you think they'd stop pestering you about how Rob was so disrespectful to Kris for those harsh comments? Also, can you tell me about Sarah Michelle Gellar? Loved Buffy to bits, but she comes off kinda bitchy. I get the vibe she thought she was better than the show (as if!).
—Rhonda

Dear Jokester:
I don't think anyone questioning the comment has a sense of humor one way or the other, so knowing that silly one-liner probably wouldn't help. Lame. As for SMG, boy does that girl have some secrets—you know, the Vice-y kind.

Dear Ted:
You haven't mentioned my favorite Blind Vicer, Nevis Divine, in a while. What is he up to? Is he, by chance, getting some boy action on the side these days?
—Sal

Dear Divine Intervention:
We all know old Nev can't go out with his boyfriends (def one word) anymore, but that doesn't mean he's given up dudes for good. Like all the great B.V.s, Nevis just gets his sexy fun on the DL, duh.

Dear Ted:
I can't understand these people who see Robsten's relaysh as a PR stunt. If that were true, then Summit would have had them arriving, leaving and attending everything together. These two do virtually anything to avoid just that. R and K aren't the performing monkeys here (ahem...Tay-Tay anyone?). Although I'm positive that Summit is well aware of the allure of the "are they, aren't they" mystery and are all too pleased to continue working that angle. But R and K? They are young. They deserve what little privacy they can get (and so clearly want). And they've gotten it down really well. How many times has K managed to get through both LAX and Heathrow without being papped? Oh yes—it's a PR stunt all right.
—Isabella

Dear PR Wizard:
I guess not everyone is as smart as you, babe. K.Stew and R.Pattz would be playing this game a whole lot differently if they just wanted to up Eclipse's ticket sales.

Dear Ted:
Hello from India! Absolutely love your column. Is Sophia Bush as sweet as she appears or is there a lot of high-school Brooke in her? Also what's with her dating only One Tree Hill men? Thanks.
—Tanya

Dear Shady Sophia:
The very sexy Sophia is a sweetheart, for sure, but she's as completely innocent as she appears to be—for example, her very questionable taste in men à la her newest relaysh with Austin Nichols. She'll learn soon enough.

Dear Ted:
You and I know that Rob and Kris are dating. They've been together for a long time, ups and downs and everything. They got through a lot together. I just want to say that I hope you can maintain your nice words in the future. Be supportive of Robsten. I hope the concern about keeping the high audience Robsten provides your column doesn't turn you into the first one to feed breakup rumors later.
—Believer

Dear Fickle Future:
We love Robsten just as much as you do. And we were the first to get it right. But while other goss sites consistently shout authority regarding Robsten's status, A.T.'s the one that has truly told it the way it is: It's an evolving relationship, never the black-and-white situations you see other places screaming about.