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Angelina Jolie

Dominique Charriau/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
I know you are critical of certain aspects of Angelina Jolie's life (the mystery diet, the relentless self-promotion, etc.) but say that she is a great mother. Seriously? Because she has some carefully timed pictures of the kids eating ice cream or out shopping for toys? What children need most is love and a bit of structure. While she may have an abundance of love, those kids are never in one place for very long. It's like military brats times one thousand. The fact that they'll want for nothing materially won't make up for the fact that their constant jet-setting is not a healthy lifestyle for young children—especially those who should be in school by now. They live in a world so far from reality, I shudder to think of what lies ahead for them.
—Mary

Dear Disapproving Diva:
That brat pack has Brad and Ange, two of the biggest—and most talked about—stars in the world, as mommy and daddy. I'd say their life never had a chance of being normal, no matter where on earth they lived. Cut Jolie a little slack, she's trying to help these kids. So, what if it helps her, too?

Dear Ted:
I'm sure you've heard by now The Sun is reporting, along with other media outlets, that R.Patz confirmed Robsten—is this true? The quote: "It is extremely difficult but we are together, yes. We can't arrive at the same time because of the fans. It gets crazy. This was supposed to be a public appearance as a couple but it's impossible. We are here together and it's a public event but it's not easy. We have to do all this stuff to avoid attention." What!
—G

Dear Miss Quoted:
Don't be so quick to believe the British tab—seems they took a few things out of context. But say super delicious Rob actually did blab, I don't think the quote would be too far off. As we all know, Robsten is trying to keep things on the DL much to the objection of the die-hard fans.

Dear Ted:
What's your take on Lilo's admission to The Sun of prior cocaine and alcohol abuse, but now being clean—for real or is more rehab on the horizon?
—N

Dear Clean Queen:
I wouldn't call it a complete recovery, but the one-time bitchin' babe has definitely been looking better lately. 'Tho, she's still out clubbing every week...only now she goes out at eleven instead of three in the morning. Progress or just hoping for a bit of good publicity?

Dear Ted:
With all the hyped-up non relationship between Jake and Reese, I have to wonder: Were he and Kirsten Dunst ever the real deal?
—BT

Dear History Lesson:
Jake and Kirsten was definitely more believable than Gyllenspoon, I can assure you of that.

Dear Ted:
Any chance of Madonna and Sean Penn hooking up again, because it looks like she and Jesus Luz are done.
—M

Dear Like A Virgin:
Don't count on it—Madonna and her bulking biceps are more about shock-dating at this very cougarific point in her life. After a twentysomething Latino stud, Sean would be complete boresville for old Madge.

Dear Ted:
Don't you think Rob made a really bad choice by turning down his Oscar invite? It's not the MTV Awards—it's the most prestigious award ceremony of the year and he's turning it down. Is his management completely mad? It's a great honor and good publicity for him. I'm sure he would have been able to work around his filming schedule since its only one day.
—MD

Dear Regrettable Rob:
It's a long trek over the pond for one day of award festivities that Robby is neither nominated for nor presenting at, but if Rob's career keeps on skyrocketing he could definitely get another go at Oscar's big night. Also, remember, live TV, I'm assured by his peeps, is not exactly his fave. Leave that to the ab-tastic Taylor.

Dear Ted:
Why all the media scrutiny of Ryan Philippe's and Abbie Cornish's sudden break up? Their relationship barely made headlines when they were dating—it made more headlines when Ryan and Reese broke up, with Abbie being the other woman. Reports have said that Abbie knew Ryan was cheating on her so isn't the shoe on the other foot now? After all, she is part of the reason Ryan and Reese didn't work out. I think it's karma, Abbie was a mistress and now she knows what Reese went through, and well Ryan is just Ryan. He should just remain single for now, right? Focus his energy on his kids and put his love life on the back burner for now.
—Faye

Dear Zing-Zang:
Tabloids love the dirt, so a break up is always going to be juicier than an under-the-radar romance. As for poor Abbie, she knew what she was getting into when she started dating the DILF, so his wandering eye shouldn't have come as a surprise to her.

Dear Ted:
Jennifer Garner
has always been known as one of the "healthy" celebs, but she's been losing so much weight lately—has she given in to the infamous Hollywood coke diet? And speaking of Jennifers, is Jennifer Love Hewitt as mental as she seems, what is her deal?
—Gillian

Dear Judging Jens:
While she may look strikingly slimmer in recent pictures, J.G. won't be found doing lines in the bathroom. There are plenty of other ways to shed the pounds in H'wood. And J.L.H. is so boring that every year when she throws herself one of her way weird b-day bashes, I'm just shocked she's still around.

Dear Ted:
Oh Light of my Dull Workday: What is up with Kate Bosworth (aside from her incredibly sexy hookups, which I have been envying since Orlando)? She struck me as having so much talent, smarts and personality not five years ago, and now she's just an angular shell who attaches herself to beautiful boys and wears interesting clothes. Is there some salacious gossip we can attribute to her disappointment?
—Jenn

Dear Blue Crushed:
The blonde Popsicle stick has a couple movies coming up, but I'm sure it's hard to get work when the best picture on your resume is Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! She's got to find some way to stay on the scene and sucking face with whatever dude will come near her seems to be her method of choice.

Dear Ted:
I wanted to say to all your doubters about Robsten, I think you keep proving them wrong. Or Robsten does. By the way, are you a fortune teller as well as a gossip columnist? I think the perfect word to describe what Rob and Kris are doing with their relationship is "shelter." They shelter it from the public to allow it to be as normal as they can. What do you think?
—S

Dear Right On:
R.Pattz and K.Stew are both super down-to-earth and just don't want their relationship (however they choose to define it) to be another über-publicized US Weekly cover story. Can you blame them, when we see how well that's worked out for the Brangelina's of the world?

Dear Ted:
A lot of your posters seem to think that Henrietta Hard-Ball could be Kelly Ripa. I find that laughable! Tell me, does sitting next to Reege for an hour every morning really qualify as a "high-powered career"?
—Christina

Dear Ripping on Ripa:
Kathy Lee Gifford
apparently didn't think it was so high-powered, but, don't be fooled, Kelly is a staple in the same heartland-homes as is Henrietta—though not the same broad.

Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile and Grey Goose Jim Carey and Jenny McCarthy? If you don't post this, I'll take that as a yes.
—Danni

Dear Posted:
Besides the fact that Jenny is a chick while Goose is far manlier, the comedic couple isn't hiding their relationship which automatically vetoes them as this darned B.V. Points for creative guess, though, babe.

Dear Ted:
I have a question for the man who knows (almost) everything about Hollywood: do many celebs' assistants and bodyguards have social network accounts where they speak about their employers and police the fans, with said employers condoning it? I've been wondering after seeing the video made by Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, where they're looking like hostages in a basement and designating their not-so-smart bodyguard (who interacts with fans on Twitter and Facebook) as their spokesman. First, I thought that they'd totally lost their minds, but maybe it's me and this kind of situation is "normal"?
—Audrey

Dear Jacked Up Jackles:
You don't see Britney or K.Stew's assistants tweeting deets about their super famous employers, so this is definitely a new one. But let's be real, when has anything ever normal in Hollyweird? If the boys trust this boyguard, why not?

Dear Ted:
I love reading and trying to guess your Blind Vices, but I have to ask, do the friends and families of the closeted stars know their dirty secret? Are they supportive? If so, the only reason I can see for not coming out is to protect their fame and fortune. And if that is their motivation it makes me sick and shows a real lack of integrity and self respect. The gay community works so hard to be accepted by middle America and deserves the utmost respect for having the courage to live their lives open and proud. I do not believe it is anybody's right to out closeted stars, but I hope they become better role models and stop putting money or celebrity before their dignity.
—O

Dear Not Loud But Proud:
Accepted?
Uh, not me. Treated equally might be a better term. But, regarding Toothy specifically, his friends and family are in-the-know about his hunger for hot hunks. Unfortunately, until actors aren't worried about losing roles based on who they're porking off-set, they'll stay locked in the closet. Things are looking up though. You may even hear from our pal Toothy soon.

Dear Ted:
I have a question about the Blind Vices. If a celebrity is a Blind Vice for, say, a drug problem and you give them a certain moniker and then a while later there's another BV about their sexual escapades, will you keep the same moniker or change it?
—Rachael

Dear Logistics:
Same name—just added Vice attributes. Think of it like a super-evil ice cream cone, with extra delicious trimmings.

_______

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