Epic. How else to describe the Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains premiere? Violence! Nudity! Romance! Bromance! Death! And sacrifice—one player was sent home. Who won the first battle: good—or eeevil?
Grab your torches and get in here for the scoop...
Evil: 1, Good: 0.
The teary Sugar cried herself home—again—with a unanimous Heroes Tribal Council vote. But why was Gabon's likable Sugar Shack founder the first to go?
Jeff Probst, packing plenty of blunt, remarked more than once that the Heroes "blew it on the puzzle," a challenge failure due in no small part to Sugar. And Probst, obviously no fan of crybabies, noted after the loss: "Sugar, three days into this game, right on cue, you're crying." Sugar's "annoying" attempts at chatting and cuddling Colby to death didn't win her any points either. Said the man in the white hat: "Sugar's not fit to be out here another 36 days. Losing her we're not gonna miss...yeah, we're not gonna miss much." Guess parting with Sugar was not such sweet sorrow for these Heroes, huh?
That's the sacrifice—let's get to the violence, sex and death!
WHAT WENT DOWN
Bringing the Pain: So the Villains lost the first reward challenge (for flint, which is for losers anyway), but they managed to dislocate Stephenie's shoulder, break Rupert's toe and strip Sugar. Instead of a visit to the Sugar Shack, we were treated to a pixilated peep at the Sugar Stack.
Fowl Play: Heroes? Some chickens would beg to differ. Even country boy James was shocked when J.T. snapped the bird's neck. Oh sure, he laughed, but we think James might still be suffering some bird-killing PTSD. Beware human Heroes: Like Colby said, "If you ruffle the feathers of the tribe, they'll get rid of you in a hurry."
Light My Fire: Are you kidding me? Are. You. Kidding. Me?! While Rupert struggled with the magic flint—"Making fire is as much a state of mind as anything"—Rob made Survivor history once again by creating flames from friction. No wonder: the man is hot. (Lucky Amber.)
Warrior Princess: We didn't see this coming: a romance between Coach and Jerri? "She's a different kind of girl, that appeals to me, because I'm a different kind of guy." Who can argue with that? Not Boston Rob, who delightfully egged on the Dragon Slayer: "You don't step away from love—when it's hitting you in the face." He might rue those words in light of Coach's Robfatuation: "I'm bromancing on my idol, what can I say?" defended Coach. Aw. But Aw turned to Ew later when Coach said about the Robfather: "I think I need somebody out there to sharpen me."
Did you notice the new ink on the Dragon Slayer's chest? I asked Coach about it after the Heroes vs. Villains filming, and he said: "Are you drawn to the dragon?" (Um, gross.) "I got [the tattoo] two days before the show. I heal real quick. A week into the game I was fine." (Um, double gross.)
Speaking of tattoos, did you know that at least one of the ladies on Survivor got makeup tattooed on her face just to look better out there in the wild? More on that next week.
WHO WILL GET VOTED OFF NEXT
Well, obviously not Coach, since he made it at least a week into the game. The question is, will there even be a vote next week? Did you see the disturbing previews? Could Boston Rob be pulling a Russell Swan song by emulating death in the jungle?!
Who do you think is the frontrunner? Is Russell Hantz too "starstruck" to play his A-game? Will good eventually triumph over evil? And most important, who wears animal-print swimsuits best, Sugar or Tyson? Pow-wow in the comments and vote for your faves in our Heroes vs. Villains photo gallery.