Perez Hilton, Kristen Stewart

Amy Graves/Getty Images; Dominique Charriau/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
What's the deal with Perez Hilton and his attitude toward Kristen Stewart? I get that his thing is to be "controversial" and speak his mind, but he seems to be unnecessarily nasty toward Kristen. By all accounts, she seems to be a down to earth and talented young actress. So what's the deal? Is it just that she doesn't kiss his butt like some celebs do, or does he actually have a reason to be crappy towards her? I always find his comments about her to be petty and petulant.
—Jack

Dear Perez Pooper:
For each hater, K.Stew has plenty of fans, so I'm sure she isn't crying herself to sleep at night thinking about Perez's jealous bitching...that is, if she knows who he is.

Dear Ted:
I woke up this morning from a terrible nightmare in which Angelina Jolie was a mastermind bent on destroying me. I think that I ought to turn it into a movie script. I think she'd be the perfect villain. Thoughts?
—X
 

Dear Dream Weaver:
Sounds like a case of art imitating life.

Dear Ted:
Drugs, Nudity...And The Jonas Brothers? Was Trace Cyrus right when he said they aren't are squeaky clean as we think they are?
—I

Dear Jo Bro No-No,
They are Disney stars, after all. Would you describe little Miss Miley Cyrus as "squeaky clean"?

Dear Ted: 
There have been rumors for years about Ricky Martin's sexuality. Then a year or so ago, around the same time you started mentioning Toothy and his BF bringing a little Baby Tile into the picture, Ricky announces he has twin boys. Any connection?
—Randi

Dear Shake Your Bon Bon:
Do you really think Toothy would be so careless? He keeps his secret baby, well...a secret.

Dear Ted:
With new movies coming out and the whole premiere thing, do you think Rob and/or Kristen will attend each other's premiere? Or would their presence take away the spotlight of the movie they're promoting. It'd be sad to think that a couple can't be there to support each other. Thoughts?
—Kris

Dear Divided Debut:
Even if they don't show for the red carpet doesn't mean that they aren't supporting each other. You know how Robsten likes to do things: sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.

Dear Ted:
These death threats to Rob Pattinson on your boards have gotten way out of hand. I know you want to protect our freedom of speech, but why not make people register to post? I don't have a problem with posters giving an opposing opinion, but I do have a problem with you allowing them to wish bodily harm and death to Rob and Kristen on a daily basis. These posters need to be blocked!
—Holly

Dear Justice League:
I agree the death threats are unacceptably vile, and Team Awful is looking at every possible solution, so keep brainstorming and sending me your ideas! But otherwise, what about some sort of penalty system for the naughty posters?

Dear Ted:
About Rob and Kristen getting slapped on the wrist: Am I to assume that Kristen's team was scared she would rather shack up with Rob for 3 months in London than come home to sign on to new projects and that Rob's team was scared Rob would rather have Kristen with him 24/7 than give 100 percent to his new movie? I guess that time together filming Eclipse and all their down time since New Moon became a hard habit to break. I feel for those two cuties. Maybe Kristen can make a little trip over there soon for their good?
—Islander

Dear Lots of Assuming:
You know as well as I do that K.Stew and R.Pattz are both seriously into their careers, so I doubt either would be so willing to completely abandon their work. But the suits are banking a lot on these two becoming big huge stars, so they're not willing to settle for anything less than 100 percent dedication.

Dear Ted:
Could Nelly Fang be Taylor Lautner? (Sorry if you've already ruled that out.)
—Ramona

Dear Fake Fanger:
T.L. plays a werewolf, remember?

Dear Ted:
I think there are many reasons why Robsten can reveal they are dating. If they say anything, they will both look pretty foolish for keeping it a secret for so long. Particularly if there's no relationship left to talk about. I can hear the temper tantrums now. They sure have themselves backed into a tiny little corner of a very dark, very cold, closet. What a mess! But maybe that's why their relationship is so "cool," huh? Goes to show, truth is the best disinfectant, no matter how awful.
—Bundling up in Robstenland

Dear The Truth Will Set You Free:
I'm sure if, even in five years, Robby and Kristen did a cover spread of People magazine saying they were dating, the Robsten fans would still be way to excited to ever call them foolish.

Dear Ted:
I now think those Chris Martin/Kate Bosworth rumors were lies. In Gwyneth's most recent GOOP newsletter, Kate Bosworth in featured in a group shot with Stella McCartney, Sir Paul, and other notable vegetarians. Is this Gwyneth's subtle way of addressing those rumors?
—Morgan

Dear Don't be So GOOPable:
It may be super-bore Gwen's way of trying to say her life is all peachy (or Apple­-y as the case may be), but does that mean it's a lie? What better way to shake the rumors than act like your husband's rumored fling is your BFF?

Dear Ted:
Love your puppies. Just found out I'm allergic to mine and my heart is broken. Speaking of broken hearts—I've been trying to think of a happy couple in Hollywood and can't seem to think of one. Why does it seem that these people all seem so unhappy and the marriages never last? Is it the careers, egos, separation, what? Is there hope for anyone? Which means: is there hope for the marriages of Jackles?
—T

Dear Wedded Bliss:
Sure, there are plenty of happy couples in Hollywood, but it's the really messed up ones that get all the attention. Who wants to hear about boring, normal couples when there's dirt to dish on the nasty ones. Right?

_________

For all the bitchin' check out the Bitch-Back section.

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