Now that this year's kinda ho-hum Oscar noms have been announced, let's think of ways to sex up the damn awards in the future and perhaps prevent this yawn-worthy spread from ever happening again.
Plus, it could help save Tom Cruise's career at the same time!
Oh, and before I tell you how, can someone please explain to me why some red-hot mama wasn't chosen to cohost this year's show with Alec Baldwin, instead of pasty Steve Martin?
I know Alec's pasty, too, but, he's sexy pasty, Steve's just...pasty. Why the hell wasn't Jennifer Aniston or arch nemesis Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Hudson chosen? Yeah, I really wanna look at two bloated dudes who haven't done crunches since Lady Gaga dressed normally.
Anyway, back to how we're going to wake up the Oscars and Tom Cruise's career:
Tom needs to play gay.
Just ask Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote), Tom Hanks (Philadelphia), Sean Penn (Milk) and myriad other dudes who have been gifted with Oscar acclaim and glitter, after they were deemed brave enough to take on playing a homosexual. I'm telling you, if you're a woman and you play a hooker, you get dusted with Oscar gold, and if you're a guy, it's the same thing if you take on the fagola stuff.
And here's an idea: It came to me because my journo friend Susan Michals was one of the last writers to interview Dominick Dunne, the controversial Vanity Fair scribe and tattle-tale book writer, before he died last year. Dunne, just like Truman Capote, was dirt-savvy about some very famous folks—and he didn't always tell everything he knew.
With folks like O.J. Simpson, Liz Taylor and the Kennedys (just to name a few) oozing through D.D.'s life, the subcharacters alone would be worth the price of the flick. But it's Dunne's own closeted existence as a gay man who never really spoke about his deep emotions that makes the movie, in my opinion. It would be the story's heart that Cruise could pull out most convincingly, of that I am sure.
Remember, he was dynamite in Magnolia, Born on the Fourth of July and Collateral. When Cruise is dark, he's at his very best.
Oh, for the record, Dunne's son, Griffin, insists his father was bisexual, not gay. Even better! The controversy is out there even before the damn thing's been written. Could you imagine the stir Tom and this role would create on the Oscar red carpet alone?
Imagine Tom accepting at the podium! It would be like, Brangelina who?
Think Tom will ever make it into our Notable Oscar Nominees gallery?