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Robert Pattinson

Chris Polk/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
I was just wondering if the Twilight cast actually gets along with Ashley Greene? She always seems to be left out at photo shoots and group events.
Catherine

Dear Greene With Envy:
She sure seems high and mighty for a gal who had a couple of lines in the flick. Not to mention a tad bitter Kristen Stewart getting the lead. But yes, they screw around in the background about as much as any Hollywood movie cast—which, of course, is why everybody's nerves are so nasty.

Dear Ted:
My neighbor has been married to the same man for more than 20 years and has been beaten almost every day of those years. Yet, she remains loyal at his side. Don't be surprised if Rihanna gets back with Chris. I hope that doesn't happen, for her sake.
Ellie

Dear Cryin' Shame:
Such is the sad reality for many of these cases. Just wonder if the fact that the public is in on it all will have any impact on R's decision.

Dear Ted:
Listen, I just want to know who Rob Pattinson is sexing up. I'm hearing Nikki Reed, but since he's been in London for, like, two months and she's been in the states, I see that as an impossibility. Plus, I think Nikki Reed starts rumors herself to gain attention. So, who is Rob doing? Is it female or male? Does he have no preference? Sometimes I get the feeling that he's asexual.
Completely Curious

Dear Who's Playing Patty-Wack:
I think you're spot-on with Nikki, hon, that girl irritates the hell out of me for some reason. Rob does strike me as the lackadaisical dating type, but he's got plenty of options, trust. And he uses them, too!

Dear Ted:
Besides his obviously bizarre personal life, is Toothy Tile generally regarded by the public as being eccentric?
Lynn, Connecticut

Dear Actions or Words:
His public appearances are hardly odd. Not for this town.

Dear Ted:
Am I like the only "sista" who gets your love for all things gossip, mostly those men on the D.L.? So, can you confirm for me, is there truth to one of the following being a D.L. brotha: Tyler Perry, Kanye West, Farnsworth Bentley and/or Ne-Yo.
Say it Ain't So

Dear Way Low:
I'm not as easy as Kanye, sorry.

Dear Ted:
Is Casey Affleck the infamous Toothy Tile? Is Catherine Zeta-Jones the scandalous Fake à la Ferocity?
Kate

Dear Twice the Vice:
No to both. FALF is dwindling Lohan style; Jones seems quite healthy.

Dear Ted:
What is the real reason Chris Brown beat up Rihanna? Please find out the truth.
T.R.

Dear Liars Remorse:
Would that excuse it, is that what you're saying?

Dear Ted:
Which way does the wind blow with Gerard Butler? Does he like the girls, guys or both? I think he's hot.
Tatoo

Dear Who's Blowin' Who:
Gerard may like the girls, but do they like him?

Dear Ted:
You're a goat. How can you talk about my gal like that? J.Lo? You suck.
Sissy 

Dear Milking It:
I'd rather be a goat than a bitch.

Dear Ted:
Why are celebrities giving their opinions about the Chris Brown fiasco? It only adds fuel to the fire. If both parties aren't giving clear answers to the media, chances are they're going to get back together. I don't think she will leave him, because he's probably begging for forgiveness.
Dnnro 

Dear Love and Hate:
He already is. The question is what will RiRi do.

Dear Ted:
Would you say the majority of celebrities had to "put out" at some point in their career so they could get a role in a movie, TV show or even a singing gig? Know you can't give me a name outright, but can you give me the initials of the worst offender in T-town who's notorious for casting couch auditions?
Kat

Dear Feisty Gal:
Starts with a K...

Dear Ted:
If and when Brad and Angelina split up, it would only make sense for Brad to date someone low-profile, right? After all, he has expressed his hatred for the paps.
SLS 

Dear Down and Out:
Maybe, but I don't see him pulling a George Clooney.

Dear Ted:
What is the fascination with Angelina? She is so obvious in every conceivable way. Who, I wonder, is the real vixen of Hollywood?
Bogie 

Dear Wax Off:
Her replacement, Megan Fox, duh.

Dear Ted:
I apologize if this has been asked before, but can you tell me if that cutie Bradley Cooper has ever been the subject of one of your blind items? Thanks!
Katie 

Dear Super Snoop: 
Sure thing, baby!

Dear Ted:
I love your column, but please be fair with your gay outings. If a gay or bi celebrity somehow shows his or her gay side in public, you should praise it and not write about it as a blind vice, OK?
Janet

Dear Complimentary Out:
Didn't you know, darling, being in one of our Vices is praise—it means you're making it in this town!

Dear Ted:
You totally called it between Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson. I remember some months back you told Owen in this very blog not to worry, that she'd be back after Armstrong. You were right. Take that, haters!
Ladyfingers8

Dear Commitment Issues:
And I'll tell ya again—it won't last.

Dear Ted:
Just wonder why most of Brad Pitt's exes become famous after dating him? Is he a significant wonder?
Wiii

Dear Status Clinger:
If you get a piece of the Pitt, you're clearly newsworthy.

Dear Ted:
OK, I am thinking Prius Crotch-Catch and Wally from One Black Boys Are Delicious Blind Vice are Paris Hilton and P. Diddy? Or Terri Hatcher?
Lily 

Dear Perfect Match:
How close you are on that first pair.

Dear Ted:
If I see one more story about "Jen's" secrets to a great body I think I will vomit. She smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish and has never had kids. I had that lifestyle too, when I was in my 20s! Why does the press dote on her? Last I looked she hadn't done anything important. That chick can't even maintain a relationship. Enough already!
Jerrica, Dallas

Dear Angelina:
You already have Brad, stop.

Dear Ted:
Nikki Reed
, who in my opinion is a complete fame whore, seems to always get photographed when she has been hanging out with Rob Pattinson. Is there any truth to the rumors that say she calls the paparazzi before all these events to let them know where she'll be? Also, there are rumors going around that she has tried to get between Rob and Kristen Stewart. Do you know anything?
Margie, New York

Dear Sexlight:
N.R. sure seems ga-ga over Rob.

Dear Ted:
I was just watching HSM3 and my gaydar was off the charts when it came to Zac Efron. Any chance he's Toothy Tile or Nevis Devine?
I

Dear Homofron:
Zac's too young to be Toothy. Fab guess on Nevis though, but wrong guy. Think less dimply.