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Brad Pitt, Billy Bob Thornton

Scott Kirkland/INFphoto.com; Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images

In an attempt to boost ratings (which is smart), the Academy just happens to be allowing leaked info about a few of the presenters they know will draw a crowd—Zac Efron and Robert Pattinson, for starters.

And wouldn't you know Jennifer Aniston's name is being thrown around, as well. Can you all believe Jen might walk the same carpet at the same time as Brangelina? Shocking holy mother lode of potential catfights!

Oh, whatever—would have been extraordinarily juicy stuff a couple years ago, but this whole femme showdown between Angie and Jen is so drawn out it's getting more predictable than my potty-mouth repertoire. Damn friggin' time to stir the pot, folks, 'cause the Oscar peeps are missing the one guy we'd really like to see shake up the evening: Billy Bob Thornton.

Let's make the guys uncomfortable for a change and quit this sexist nonsense. We'd love to see Brad get all squirmy over a run-in with Angie's lusty ex-hubby, whom she apparently talks to.

Let's give Jen and Saint Angie a break for the night, no? After all, what's Jennifer going to say to Angelina that she hasn't already via the press? I can hear it now: "You are so uncool, Angelina!" Gimme outspoken Thornton's version to Pitt, any day: "Hey, don't you have some baby crap to go clean up, Angie's bitch?" Or whatever BBT would choose to say, but, you get the idea, I'm sure.