Ask the Answer B!tch

INFdaily.com

Why can't Michael Lohan or Jon Gosselin shut up? Is it a disease?
—Lova, via the Answer B!tch inbox

I wish it were, just so I could claim credit for the discovery and make up an awesome name for it, like egobelioma or delusia bifida.

But no. In fact, the reason why Michael Lohan won't stop talking about his daughter—or leaking supposedly private calls about her—and the reason why Jon Gosselin still thinks anyone cares about what he has to say, is a lot more chilling than a mere head disorder...

Keep Reading

Playgirl Magazine, Jesse Grant/Getty Images

What could Levi Johnston possibly gain by posing naked for Playgirl?
—Babs G., via the Answer B!tch inbox

You mean besides money and the eternal high that comes with making Sarah Palin miserable? As the Jews might say, dayenu, that would have been enough.

For women, there are tons of reasons for posing nude: Sharon Stone said she did it for money right after appearing in Total Recall. It sure didn't hurt, given that she later went on to do stuff like Basic Instinct and Casino. We won't even begin to discuss the ongoing successes of The Girls Next Door.

But when it comes to guys who pose in adult mags, there are, generally, only two types: (1) Unknowns who, if the ploy works, graduate to sort-of knowns, and (2) bona fide celebrities who stir up noncontroversies by posing only partly in the buff.

That latter category includes a major country star married to an A-list actress, and a former teen star who has been linked to Megan Fox...

Keep Reading

nationalphotogroup.com

What's up with Fergie and her hubby? Did he seriously cheat on her with a stripper?
—Lauren J., via Facebook

Well, let's see, we have the stripper, named Nicole Forrester, alleging yes; and Josh Duhamel denying it; and Forrester coming back with a lie detector test that she allegedly passed. So, ladies and gentlemen of the Internets, I ask you: Do you accept the lie detector test into evidence?

Now, if you're shocked, just shocked, that an actor would get busy with a stripper, you don't know actors. Or musicians. Or sports stars. Or anybody. Because everybody in entertainment loves a good exotic dancer, and I have evidence to prove it, along with a blind item or two...

Keep Reading

Kimberley French/Summit Entertainment

So what was the most interesting or weirdest answer you heard at your New Moon press junket?
—MDuncan, via Twitter

You mean I have to pick just one? On Friday I sat through an entire afternoon of Cullens, Volturi and Wolf Pack members, not to mention at least one guy with an English accent, leather jacket and stand-up hair.

I think any answer about weird/interesting things said there deserves a Top Five list. At least.

Here goes:

Keep Reading

INFphoto.com

Rihanna finally spoke out about domestic violence this week. What took her so long?
—via the Answer B!tch mailbox

She has broken her silence! All over the place! In Glamour! And then tomorrow and Friday on Good Morning America and 20/20! And it only took eight months.

Before we get into it, let me be clear: Nobody deserves what happened to Rihanna. Nobody. But then now, months after her boyfriend beat her to a pulp, for the first time does this very visible role model actually say anything about it.

She tells Glamour: "I want to give as much insight as I can to young women, because I feel like I represent a voice that really isn't heard. Now I can help speak for those women."

Great, but why now, you ask? Maybe because her album is coming out? Because now she wants my money?

Considering how much good can be done by Rihanna speaking up, and how much harm may have been done by her silence, that is not OK. Hear exactly why in my all-new podcast! Hit play below to listen.

________

Never miss an episode! Subscribe to my free podcast on iTunes.

Sony Pictures

Is Michael Jackson's This Is It only in theaters for two weeks to get fans into a frenzy or to have the DVD out on time for the holiday season?
—James L., via Facebook

You mean you didn't dissolve into a worshipful faint as soon as you typed the words "This Is It" into Facebook? Bad consumer! Bad! Get frenzying forthwith before the Jackson family finds you unworthy.

Despite the high quality of the documentary—I understand it is quite good—yes, there is an element of manipulation at work here, in the two-week-only release schedule.

Have you been made a victim? Decide for yourself...

Keep Reading

Steve Granitz/Getty Images

Why have the tweens suddenly turned on Miley Cyrus? There was just a survey calling her a bad influence.
—Forlu, via the Answer B!tch inbox

Like I KNOW, RIGHT? Especially because every single one of the people who voted in that survey on AOL is probably listening to "Party in the USA" right now. (And yes, Madison, Hailey, Breanna, Chloe and Zoe—I am talking to you.)

Given the raging success of the Hannah Montana movie and other Miley Cyrus juggernauts, it may seem odd that the tweens of America have suddenly decided to eat their own. They voted her their worst celebrity influence, just ahead of Britney Spears and Kanye West.

To understand why, look closer...

Keep Reading

Columbia Pictures; Paramount Pictures; Universal Pictures

Zombies and vampires, while entertaining, are wearing thin. What do we think will be the new trend?
—Alicia Broun Lamar, via Facebook

We do not think when we are the Answer B!tch. We know. For example, we know that werewolves will make a brief stand in the movie theaters in coming weeks, but they will not represent the real trend going forward.

No. No they shall not. No offense, Benicio del Toro. I am sure The Wolfman will be a howl.

Instead, the winning beastie for the next several years is...

Keep Reading

Jordan Strauss/Getty Images

How come everybody seems to love Selena Gomez? You can't go anywhere to look for dirt on this girl.
—Andre H.G., via the Answer B!tch inbox

And thus the circle was squared: Your second sentence essentially answers—or at least partially answers—your question.

Tweens love Selena Gomez because—aside from her hit show (Wizards of Waverly Place, people) and music, of course—she offers just enough bubblegum intrigue to reel you in without grossing you out.

This is not Britney Spears, with her icky bare feet traipsing in and out of public bathrooms, and her erstwhile bald head leering into a paparazzi lens, and her stripper poles, and her...ew. Britney is too much for that crowd. Tweenies just want to watch some TV and, um, hear a cool song, and pretend that their favorite stars are engaged in feuds.

Nobody—except for maybe Demi Lovato or Miley Cyrus—provides a better canvas for that kind of pink sparkly unicorn fantasy.

Exactly what is Selena's magic formula? Well...

Keep Reading

Barnsley, Dome, PacificCoastNews.com; AP Photo/Dave Allocca, StarPix; Jae Donnelly/INFphoto.com

I heard this really stupid tidbit, that in an effort to save the environment, Jennifer Aniston takes a three-minute shower in which she also brushes her teeth. Is this even possible? What other stupid things to celebs do to be "green"?
—Janine, via Facebook

What other? Hmmm. Selena Gomez recently announced that her yet-to-debut clothing line will be as green as can be. That may not fall under the category of "crazy," but by law anything that Gomez does is certifiably adorable.

If you're looking for celebrities closer to just plain certifiable, sure, I have some examples, including a rock icon who sells renewable grocery bags—at his concerts...

Keep Reading

George Pimentel/Getty Images; Jason Merritt/Getty Images

Are Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg the same person? Are their careers headed in the same direction?
—Veronica, via Facebook

After hours of painful guesswork I can absolutely assure you beyond any scientific doubt that Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg are not the same person.

For example, one was in Arrested Development. One was not. Also, one of them seems to really like movies with titles ending in land. You know, like Zombieland and such.

There are other hints, including a one-inch difference in height, but for all the evidence, laid out for you in convenient audio format, check out my podcast! And decide for yourself!

Hit play above to listen.

________

Never miss an episode! Subscribe to my free podcast on iTunes.

Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

What's with these rock artists complaining about their songs being used to faze Gitmo detainees? How can a Britney Spears song be called "torture"?
—April, Texas

Dear Person Who Has Never Heard a Britney Spears Song: There is much we must discuss.

But yes, musicians—Pearl Jam, R.E.M. and Trent Reznor among them—are reacting this week to word that music may have been used in conjunction with detainee torture at Guantanamo Bay. "The fact that music I helped create was used in crimes against humanity sickens me," is how Tom Morello put it this week.

For the record, experts tell me that "torture" may be too strong a term for the techniques in question, so, from this point on, we'll won't use "torture." We'll say "make detainees want to drive to Britney's house, park outside and swallow a glassful of lye."

So just how could folks like Britney, Eminem, Christina Aguilera—even Elmo and his pals on Sesame Street, apparently—be used as unwitting participants in Gitmo interrogations?

Well...

Keep Reading